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Mark Steel

@mrmarksteel

Mark Steel is a stand-up comedian, radio presenter and Independent columnist. He enjoys writing his column because no one ever takes it literally.

<p>Tim Martin’s Wetherspoons pub chain has been hit by Brexit</p>
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Watching Tim Martin squirm almost makes Brexit worth it

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Missiles launched ‘by both sides’ – let’s take a closer look at that

<p>Johnson has responded by saying he has ‘full confidence’ in Matt Hancock</p>
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Hancock is useless? Glad the PM cares about dealing with Covid-19

<p>‘Some supporters explain they boo because Black Lives Matter supports defunding the police’</p>
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Good job England fans have rumbled the Marxist plot behind the Euros

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Thanks, Dom, for waiting a year to tell us people needlessly died

<p>Want to make Labour look less elite, Sir Keir? Call for Peter ‘Pie and chips’ Mandelson </p>
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London is home of the metropolitan elite? Try saying that in Romford

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Nothing says ‘easiest trade deal in history’ like gunboats in Jersey

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Give what you can to Boris Johnson – he needs a dove grey wine console

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Come on, don’t blame the founders of the European Super League

<p>Many historians recalled his ‘difficult’ upbringing, and it is remarkable how he started as a humble grandson of the king of Greece and worked his way up</p>
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How I think we should honour Prince Philip

<p>The education minister has urged schools to crack down on discipline after lockdown</p>
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Discipline and order? The feral kids are the ones in Westminster

<p>You can’t say Britain is ‘structurally’ racist, just because one person describes black people as ‘piccaninnies with watermelon smiles’</p>
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We can all agree race report was a success – except for these points

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Apparently ‘greed’ got us through pandemic, not kindness and the NHS

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Apparently ‘greed’ got us through pandemic, not kindness and the NHS

<p>Police officers form a cordon as people turn on their phone lights at a vigil for Sarah Everard</p>
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Yes, if we’re serious about stopping Covid, we must arrest more women

<p>It is hard to see why a family historically deemed born to rule with superior blood divinely ordained by God should be irrational in any way</p>
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Just imagine the royal family on The Jeremy Kyle Show

<p>Chancellor Rishi Sunak delivered his Budget on Wednesday</p>
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A love letter to the magnificent Rishi Sunak

<p>We’d have scoured the world for a variant that made your nose explode, then coughed it round the town so the lockdown would have to carry on for another year</p>
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Children are keen to get back to school, apparently. Sorry, what?

<p>We’d have scoured the world for a variant that made your nose explode, then coughed it round the town so the lockdown would have to carry on for another year</p>
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Children are keen to get back to school, apparently. Sorry, what?

<p>The growth in shouty angriness is widespread across the left and right </p>
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Being an enraged, incoherent commentator is now a full-time job

<p>Labour leader Keir Starmer – maybe?</p>
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Does anyone know if the Labour Party is still going?

<p>Johnson and his partner Carrie Symonds pay tribute to Captain Tom outside No 10</p>
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PM could have honoured Captain Tom by funding NHS – he clapped instead

<p>Newton, Leonardo and Rasputin all spoke out against the ‘Virus Masters’, and now all three are dead. Coincidence?</p>
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Conspiracy theories, eh? Check out this one about da Vinci and Covid

<p>Farwell: ex-president Donald Trump leaves the White House</p>
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With Trump gone, who will take up the craziness? Probably the UK

<p>A food parcel offered to children who receive free school meals during the UK’s most recent national lockdown</p>
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These food parcels will last a week – if your child is a millipede

<p>Supporters of Donald Trump inside the Capitol building</p>
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Appealing for Trump to see sense always works– so let’s keep doing it

<p>Brexit is here – and all that comes with it</p>
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Here’s to the beaming nation of happiness Brexit has made us

<p>A food parcel offered to children who receive free school meals during the UK’s most recent national lockdown</p>
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These food parcels will last a week – if your child is a millipede

<p>Supporters of Donald Trump inside the Capitol building</p>
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Appealing for Trump to see sense always works– so let’s keep doing it

<p>Brexit is here – and all that comes with it</p>
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Here’s to the beaming nation of happiness Brexit has made us

<p>One of Boris Johnson’s more instructions has been to make Christmas ‘shorter and smaller’</p>
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Do we see in Johnson the authority he admires in Churchill? We do not

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Do we see in Johnson the authority he admires in Churchill? We do not

<p>One of Boris Johnson’s more instructions has been to make Christmas ‘shorter and smaller’</p>
<p>Wheeler dealer? Prime Minister Boris Johnson</p>
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Boris Johnson will be throwing in some DVDs and a wheelbarrow soon

<p>Prince Charles (Josh O’Connor) and Princess Diana (Emma Corrin) in ‘The Crown’</p>
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Historians must remind us when stories about the royals are inaccurate

<p>So can we go to the pub or not?</p>
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Lockdown to tier 3 and back again – and no idea what any of it means

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Want a multimillion PPE government contract? Just befriend a Tory MP

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Want a multimillion PPE government contract? Just befriend a Tory MP

<p>Boris Johnson with his former director of communications Lee Cain</p>
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We always suspected Downing Street was run by children

<p>Somehow the opposition to the Trumps and Johnsons of the world have to learn to connect with people, including those who don’t already agree with them</p>
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Be prepared for the biggest Trump meltdown the world has ever seen

<p>The main reason Johnson’s government believed it could get away with this is because they’ve been taking inspiration from events across the Atlantic</p>
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Why a Trump loss will reveal who Boris Johnson really was all along

Marcus Rashford scored for England on Sunday
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Rashford should set up a faulty test and trace system to get funding

It’s untrue to say one of these men is an incompetent pompous over-promoted fool who stares inanely during press conferences, desperate to say something to make him appear less idiotic than he clearly is. They both are
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The government has mastered test and trace – for appointing insiders

Local pandemic warning for shoppers in Manchester
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What’s next for this northern lockdown? Telling us when to breathe?

Reports suggest the government is considering processing refugees on old ferries and blocking dinghies with a wave machine
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Priti Patel is trying to keep migrants safe – by using wave machines

Boris Johnson leaving Downing Street
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We’re all wrong for not predicting knee-jerk coronavirus rules

Boris Johnson says the government is considering spending £100bn on its 'moonshot' mass testing programme
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Fear not, Boris is coming with Moonshot to zap the virus into space

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Joe Biden needs to tap into Trump’s conspiracy theories to win

Related video: Eamonn Holmes asks Femi Oluwole why he’s offended by the word ‘slave’
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We don’t even need a real boycott to be angry about ‘Rule, Britannia’

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We don’t even need a real boycott to be angry about ‘Rule, Britannia’

Related video: Eamonn Holmes asks Femi Oluwole why he’s offended by the word ‘slave’
Boris Johnson and Gavin Williamson visiting Pimlico Primary school on 10 September, 2019
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The new way of governing: announce a stupid policy, abandon and repeat

Related video: Former Labour MP Mary Creagh calls Jeremy Corbyn a '‘preening narcissist'
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Labour is too busy barking at its own reflection to fix this

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Labour's working class voters are now Hove baristas

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Nobody asking you to go on holiday with Jeremy Corbyn

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Nobody asking you to go on holiday with Jeremy Corbyn

Boris Johnson visits a farm in Callestick, Cornwall
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Johnson’s avoiding the climate debate and I find that very reassuring

Priti Patel: 'You can't blame the government for poverty'
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Priti Patel thinks government has no control over your finances

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Johnson’s sputtering tour makes May’s look like a model campaign

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You almost wonder if the Tories are being this inept on purpose

Boris Johnson speaks to staff during a visit to Milton Keynes University Hospital
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After nine years, the Tories say ‘Britain deserves better’ than them

Related video: Boris Johnson to pause Brexit Bill until extension decision is reached
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Is Britain really so bored we'll let a sociopath do whatever he wants?

Boris Johnson steps out of 10 Downing Street
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Rejoice! A deal that makes us poorer and hands power to sociopaths

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No wonder XR is unpopular, they’re trying to make us care

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The government’s Brexit plans are sillier than we thought they’d be

Johnson hosted and spoke at a military reception yesterday in the wake of his hospital visit backlash
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If Boris Johnson is desperate to honour Jo Cox, he could do this

Johnson hosted and spoke at a military reception yesterday in the wake of his hospital visit backlash
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Johnson has gone so barmy he doesn’t know what a journalist looks like

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Johnson has gone so barmy he doesn’t know what a journalist looks like

Johnson hosted and spoke at a military reception yesterday in the wake of his hospital visit backlash
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The Tories are playing Anarchy in the UK while Labour goes out of tune

Leader of the House of Commons Jacob Rees-Mogg reclining on his seat in the House of Commons
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Rees-Mogg lounged on the front benches, assured of his right to power

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Johnson told us Brexit was ‘do or die’ – but MPs aren't doing either

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Merkel and Macron just told Johnson to play with his toys for 30 days

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Merkel and Macron just told Johnson to play with his toys for 30 days

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The Lib Dems would rather burn than let Corbyn douse the flames

The new PM presides over his first cabinet meeting at No 10
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Boris Johnson and his X-Men of liars are immune to the truth

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Just like the racist president, no Tories will save us from Boris

The spotlight is firmly on Labour’s dealings with antisemitism, but what about the Conservatives and their racist attitudes?
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‘Panorama’ would struggle to fit Tory racism into an hour

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Jeremy Hunt’s fox hunting U-turn showed his charmingly boyish side

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Is Boris’s relentless incoherence the ‘positive energy’ Brexit needs?

Conservative party leadership candidate Boris Johnson leaves his house in London
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The barmy things Tories would do for Brexit

Rory Stewart says he will 'bring Boris Johnson down' if he tries to shut down parliament
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Who cares if Boris is incompetent if he’s ‘plain-speaking’, right?

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We’ve given Trump the royal treatment so why not bung him the NHS too?

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Theresa May's final days are a whole new world of Brexit madness

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Tory leader candidates as far as the eye can see, but no principles

Labour's Andy McDonald said Chris Grayling was 'off the richter scale of incompetence'
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The Tories are splintering so fast that Grayling looks like a model MP

In the last parliament, only 30 per cent of Tory MPs believed man-made global warming was true
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Parliament has declared a ‘climate emergency’. Now what?

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All MPs have to do to gain popularity is cosy up to the far right

Theresa May remains entrenched in a no-deal Brexit
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Taking back control means begging the EU to let us stay

The House of Commons had to be suspended for the day due to flooding
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Even Brexiteers don't know why they're fighting for a no-deal Brexit

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All MPs have to do to gain popularity is cosy up to the far right

Theresa May remains entrenched in a no-deal Brexit
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Taking back control means begging the EU to let us stay

The House of Commons had to be suspended for the day due to flooding
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Even Brexiteers don't know why they're fighting for a no-deal Brexit

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The momentum has finally switched to Remain, thanks to Theresa May

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May wants us to follow her down a rabbit hole of Brexit madness

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Who cares about food? Brexit is Britain’s best ever entertainment show

Related video: Chris Williamson says he will be working to clear his name
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Labour’s antisemitism row has made everyone look awful

Shamima Begum being shown a copy of the Home Office letter which stripped her of her British citizenship by ITV News security editor Rohit Kachroo
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Don’t tell me Shamima Begum’s baby didn’t know what it was doing

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Winston Churchill was a hero partly because he was such a daft racist

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Who does Tusk think he is? We’re so civil with the ‘EU dirty rats’

It is often asked if comedians are the same off-stage as on-stage, and in Jeremy’s case he was, but more so
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Jeremy Hardy was a glorious friend – and a mischievous comedy delight

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