How to save money when you’re out with friends who splash the cash

A few years ago, my brother shared a piece of advice with me that I’ll never forget: don’t go broke trying to look rich.

It’s a phrase that I find especially useful around those peak “parting-with-your-money” seasons, such as summer and Christmas, when the pressure is on to splash the cash around with your friends.

Splurging a bit is fine if you can afford to, but it’s stressful when you’re the only one in the friend group who doesn’t have quite the same level of disposable income as the rest.

When you make less money than your friends, it’s hard not to feel inadequate, is how one of my coaching clients put it recently. And it’s not just our immediate circles that pile on the pressure: social media has made it easy to see what people globally – not just those we know personally – get up to over the summer, and we might feel compelled to keep up.

One of my clients recently talked to me about how being the only one in the friend group without money can make us feel inadequate. We discussed the pressure to spend over the summer. She told me that she’s said yes in the past, to save face and keep up with her social circle, even when it hurt her own financial stability. She now wants to do things differently but is struggling to find the words to say no without feeling shame and embarrassment.

Income disparity in friendships is real. I understand how it can be easier to let friendships drift rather than admit: “No, I can’t afford it.” But the right friendships are worth treasuring. So how can you combat the fear of judgement and talk money with friends without falling out?

Try reframing your no. Instead of “No, I can’t afford it”, try “No, I’m prioritising saving at the moment”, or “No, I’m prioritising spending on other things”.

I understand that might be a bit of a mouthful, and it may even seem a bit formal when speaking with family and friends.

However, I’ve found it’s a good way of getting well-meaning people off your back when they ask – and sometimes hassle! – you to do something or go somewhere that’s going to cost money that you can’t or don’t want to spend.

I also think saying “no, I’m prioritising saving/spending on other things” is a powerful way of telling loved ones that you’re looking after your finances. And your honesty may lead them to reflect on their own situation.

Because the cost of living is costly, you might not be the only one in your social circle feeling the pinch, yet still feeling compelled to keep up.

Importantly, try not to be that person who says no but doesn’t come up with alternative ideas. If these are your friends – people you do actually want to spend time with – suggest something else that you can do together, that is in line with your summer spending strategy.

With summer, as with all seasons, give every pound a job. It’s easier to say yes to the things that matter to you and no to the things that don’t if you make a plan for your money.

Of course, life is for the living and I’m all for spending money you can afford on the people and experiences that matter to you. A tangible, practical tip is to budget for socialising by setting up a savings pot to cover these costs and pay into it every month like it’s a bill.

This way, you’re building up a stash of money to cover whatever costs you decide fall under the banner of socialising – whether that’s restaurant meals, nights out or weekends away.

And sometimes, you’ve just got to change your social circle. Because even a millionaire will feel poor if their friendship group is made up of billionaires.

Talia Loderick is a money coach, who helps people to understand and take control of their finances. Her website can be found here