I’m gay in one of the least gay professions… and women keep me in business

In the list of occupations with the highest proportion of gay employees, my line of work – carpentry – is right down there with the roofers, scaffolders, bricklayers, farmers, plumbers and window cleaners.

According to new data from the 2021 Census, fewer than one per cent of carpenters are gay. I’m not surprised. I’ve never met another one.

I knew carpentry was what I wanted to do when I was teenager. I used to work with my dad, who was a shop-fitter who specialised in joinery, making and installing high-end store fittings. I’d also spend time with him on construction sites. By the time I came out, around the time I was 18, he knew I was gay.

When you’re a carpenter and gay, the interesting thing I’ve found is that female clients like it – a lot. There’s a lot of intimidation of women that goes on by straight tradesmen. They try it on with me, too. My experience of plumbers and electricians was so frustrating, I taught myself how to do their jobs so I didn’t have to deal with them. I don’t know if they think because they’re talking to a gay man, they need to talk down because you’re stupid. But I find the use of jargon to create a mysticism around the simplest of tasks so tiring.

Women have a way of making me aware they’re pleased I’m gay. They’re always overwhelmingly positive about hiring me, and it makes for a project we both love. I get recommendations from them every time. I have to turn down a lot of work, as I can’t take on all the commissions that come my way. Right now, I’m booked up on projects to the end of the year.

It’s a different game with straight men. When I’ve had heterosexual male clients and there’s no woman involved, I’ve found myself being mansplained to. I don’t know, but it’s as though having a gay man in their built environment that sets something off.

A straight guy commissioned me to build him a library, and asked for it to be painted in gloss. I said ok, but that would date quickly and it would soon show drag marks. I thought I’d convinced him we should spray it a matt sheen instead – but it seemed to burn a hole in him. When I went back later to fit some wardrobes, he made sure he pointed out that I’d got it wrong with the shelving so he’d had it repainted in gloss. I mean, he’ll find out in time that he’s wrong, but it felt like he had something to prove.

There’s sometimes tension with straight male clients who don’t realise I’m gay… and then they do. We’ll agree a project, and when they realise, it’s like they haven’t the headspace for that. For one guy, I could tell exactly when the penny dropped – it was the moment I mentioned my husband.

Women, when they find out I’m gay, can be… inappropriate. They will often tell me if I was straight, they would be flirting their arses off. If I was their client, I wouldn’t dream of saying something like that or putting them in that position, but there’s something about being gay that they think gives them licence. I don’t say anything, but it’s off colour.

With gay men, it’s constant innuendo – “Hey, what’s in your tool box…?”, which is just so tired. I’ve never felt vulnerable around or been put in a position by a gay client, but there’s almost no situation where I haven’t had a comment about my hammer, or something about my being good with my hands. It’s boring, and so not a turn on. What would get my attention would be them want to up the spec and increase the spend.

Visit bspokedesigns.co.uk, or email: marescia@btinternet.com