Why Thomas Cook’s new millennial package holidays are a terrible idea

Imagine the most clichéd caricature of a millennial you can think of. They’re eating smashed avocado on toast, right? And probably Instagramming the foam art on their coffee. They’re definitely drinking a £12 aperol spritz while “whining” about the fact they won’t be able to afford a one-bed flat until their parents die.

If you had this image in mind while thinking about the broad demographic the label “millennial” applies to – roughly speaking anyone born from the early 1980s to the late 1990s – I can see how you might come up with Cook’s Club, Thomas Cook’s new attempt to entice trendy young types back to the package holiday.

Trouble is, the stereotype doesn’t really add up. At 31, I’m pretty much smack bang in the middle of the millennial age range and conform to many of the designated tropes. I drink flat whites; I like an overpriced cocktail in an attractive setting; and no, I can’t afford a house. On paper, I’m the perfect target for a Cook’s Club holiday – yet everything about it is deeply unappealing.

For a start, there’s that name. Cook’s Club – it sounds like the place you’d dump your kids on holiday, where they’d be forced to endure enforced fun in the rec room and at noisy beach games, with a grumpy, overheating rep dressed as a giant lobster, dolphin or similar. I suppose it’s better than some try hard, so-vague-it’s-meant-to-be-cool moniker – “vertical”, say, or “heist” – but still. It’s hard to imagine the brainstorming session where someone shouted: “Hey, guys – what about ‘Cook’s Club’?” Everyone turns in wide eyed admiration. Someone initiates a slow hand clap, which picks up pace as it travels round the room until it becomes tumultuous applause. “Cook’s Club. By God, he’s done it. HE’S DONE IT!”

Next up are the holidays themselves. And I get it. It’s hard being a tour operator nowadays – the younger generation have changed beyond recognition. They don’t want an 18-30 holiday – Thomas Cook announced in May it was “exploring options” for this area of the business. They don’t want to get pissed on £5 fishbowls in Magaluf. They want culture, tasting menus, cool bars, budget-chic boutique hotels. The rise of cheap flights and Airbnb means it’s never been easier to arrange a trip yourself, be it a city break or a week on the beach. It’s a tough crowd to sell package holidays to and Thomas Cook are giving it a good shot.

Despite the good intentions, however, it’s a little embarrassing how much the concept misses the mark. You might assume the locations would be more on the hip side – up-and-coming European cities perhaps, or photogenic beach destinations beloved by social media influencers. You would be wrong: the holidays are being debuted in Crete and Gambia. There’s nothing inherently wrong with these places; they’re just slightly surprising choices for a supposedly forward-looking, next generation style of holiday.

While I, admittedly, haven’t tried a Cook’s Club holiday, the activities offered seem cringe inducing and include, for example, a private disco for up to 10 people that costs €1 per minute; three virtual reality “zones” where you can play VR games costing €10 for 30 minutes; and, strangest of all, a “Rage Room”. This is a place where you can go to “let off steam for between 20 to 40 minutes by smashing items such as bottles and vases with a wide range of tools”. Because that’s what millennials like to do when they’re on a relaxing beach holiday. Smash s**t up with a hammer.

There are more traditional attempts to attract the Instagram generation, such as vegan options, and cocktails “created by a Berlin based mixologist” at the Captain Cook bar. My gut tells me the holidaymakers to whom the latter would appeal are more likely to plump for an independently booked break to the German capital.

The marketing grates, too. It’s all photos of irritatingly trendy, hot young things, snapped and put through a bleached-out Instagram filter. “Escape the ordinary,” runs the nonsensical blurb, seemingly a tick list of “millennial friendly” marketing speak jargon. “Here, you’ll find a melting pot of cultures, textures and flavours that creates a casually cool paradise where everyone is welcome.”

The worst part is feeling like, once again, people who are clearly not millennials have decided what millennials are into, without seeming to know or care that they’ve utterly misunderstood us. We are not one homogenous group for a start, all of us wannabe hipsters for whom the words “mixologist” and “escape room” are like catnip. Nor do we need to be constantly entertained like children, destroying things for fun or pretending to be in a virtual world when there’s a real-life beach outside the window.

Only time will tell if Thomas Cook can make this new concept fly. But until companies start listening, really listening, to the young clientele they want to attract, I suspect their efforts will not be rewarded with actual sales.