How to have a great day at work: Negotiate like a boss

We’re constantly negotiating at work: externally with clients and internally asking for promotions, better pay, different ways of working, more resources, the list goes on. However, too many of us see the word “negotiation” and think “going into battle” – a fight that ends with a winner and a loser. This is the wrong mindset if you want to get what you need. Instead, there are some rules to follow to get the best results.

First, recognise that this isn’t just about one negotiation point – it’s about your relationship beyond this point, it’s about learning to move forward in lockstep with your co-worker, boss or client. Like all good relationships, it’s about give and take.

Research provides the backbone for all my negotiations. Is what you’re asking for realistic? What’s your aspiration? Is what you want fair? What is your bottom line, your non-negotiable? It all seems obvious, but you would be surprised how many people don’t think this through before they begin.

Let’s take a salary discussion. Most start with their base salary and just want an increase. Have you researched what your market rate is? Lower and upper salary bands for similar roles? I always suggest starting with an upper limit and building a good rationale as to why you are personally worth that. What have you achieved in the past year that justifies you asking? Do this in a very specific way.

If you want more flexible working, have you studied your company’s policies? Do you know what your company’s issue might be? Prepare yourself by getting clarity on their worries, why they exist and how you can counter any issue for the team.

Do your homework and show you care about and understand the thinking that has gone before. This way, you can anticipate what may be coming back at you and work out ways to answer any questions about you or changing the way things have been done before.

Ultimately, the most important factor of negotiation is empathy. Stop thinking about your needs and instead put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Listen, don’t just speak. Ask questions. What are their challenges? Fears? Pressures and pain points? Does whoever you are asking even have the power to give you what you are asking them for?

What ripple effect could a “yes” mean for their wider team? Make it clear that you understand and respect the needs of others as well as your own. Phrases such as “I’m asking this because I know it’s good for my team” or “I know this will enable the goals of X and Y to happen in a seamless or faster way” will help. You should want to come across as ambitious for your team, the collective goals as much as yourself, to get to a win-win solution.

Mentally prepare for the negotiation. Things can get emotional as there are feelings at play – fear, anxiety and ultimately self-worth. If, for example, your manager point-blank refuses a pay rise after three years, it’s hard to not read that as a personal comment – ie you’ve not done a good enough job.

You need to have considered in advance your strategy to manage those emotions – often on both sides. See obstacles and failures as a key part of the discussion and prepare for the obvious hurdles that will come. Always remember you have a pause button and if you feel it is getting a little heated, or things are going awry, it is okay to say “shall we pause this for today and go and consider each other’s positions?” – agreeing to resume your chat later.

Bear in mind that if things don’t go your way, that isn’t always a personal reflection on you. If your employer can’t afford a pay rise, it may be to do with wider company performance, rather than just you. Try to have a baseline in mind of what you will accept, but don’t get too attached to one set outcome, this allows some flexibility but keeps things moving in the right direction. Good luck!

Nicola Elliott is the founder of NEOM, and her book, ‘The Four Ways to Wellbeing: Better Sleep. Less Stress. More Energy. Mood Boost’, is published by Penguin Life