Great British Bake Off episode 9 review: Patisserie week made for a cracking semi-final

Semi-final klaxon! We were down to the final four this week. That meant we got more of a crumb-by-crumb view of Sophie, Steven, Kate and Stacey’s bakes. We also got more superlatives than (ever) before. Producers seemed particularly keen for us to note that Channel 4's first series isn't just any Bake Off, it is much harder than the child's play that was the BBC’s version.

Patisserie week included the "most complicated technical ever", the "hardest ever" decision-making process of who to boot off and Prue was looking for "absolute perfection". Was it the most entertaining semi-final in the history of Bake Off semi-finals? I don't know, but the fiendish French bakes and danger of elimination by meringue crack - baking is perilous, chaps - set the bar high for next week (maybe not the highest ever though. Sorry, gang).

The final four had the air of people who had been having nightmares about collapsing showstoppers all week. Steven’s eye was twitching due to the stress, Sophie noted that “banter” had all but dried up and a flustered-looking Stacey announced she was “toning it up”. Given last week her showstopper alone involved sponges, madeleines, macarons, jellies and meringues, that was an alarming prospect.

There was also a lot of space in between the benches for Noel to swoop around being endearingly weird. Sample line, while brandishing a wooden utensil with a penned-on face: “If you don’t finish, Mr Spoon is going to be angry.”

The signature challenge called for 24 light, airy choux buns, one half craquelin-topped (a crunchy topping made from sugar, flour and butter that expands when heated to give a cracked effect). The idea was that these would be worthy of a spot in the window of a French patisserie. I certainly didn't see anything like Stacey's “Chouxmojis” and “Chouxnicorn” buns on my last trip across the Channel. Yes, she made buns decorated to look like emojis and unicorns.

Sophie – "Patisserie’s my thing" - Faldo went for classic Gallic options, unlike Kate who was doing one half of her buns with bellini and prosecco fillings.

Steven’s craquelin was judged too thick but his key lime pie filling was a hit. Stacey’s unicorns were declared a “mess” and Prue was dubious about the multi-coloured filling: “I’m not sure it looks delicious but it looks amazing.” Clearly she is behind the times. Everything has a unicorn version now, P-Dog.

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As this series has gone on, Prue has got bolder and I'm enjoying that she now sometimes has the exact opposite view to Paul. She found one of Steven’s filling too sweet, whereas Paul declared it “bloody gorgeous”. Sophie’s choux buns were beautiful for Prue, but “a little bit flat” for our favourite teak-hued judge. We definitely didn't see such divergence in the Mary days and I think the show is more enjoyable for the difference, it adds a certain je ne sais quois.

Talking of I don’t know what, the technical was a cake no one really had a clue about. Prue, the devil, had chosen Les Miserables slices. As we discovered, that’s a traditional Belgian cake with four layers of joconde sponge, including two pistachio ones, three layers of crème au beurre and tempered chocolate. Prue chose it because it was the most difficult thing she could come up with, apparently. There was a long list of things to worry about: uneven layers, scrabbled egg crème au beurre, overbaked sponge.

Prue asked for an elegant creation so obviously Stacey matched her pistachio layer to her shirt. The smaller number of contestants mean we get to see more of their personalities as well as the bakes, which is always fun. “Who would do this? Belgiums do this,” said Steven, getting sassy about having to temper chocolate in a sweltering tent - and risking the wrath of an entire nation while he was at it.

Sophie’s slices were declared patisserie-worthy and she won the technical. Steven’s sponge was not quite light and airy enough and his chocolate too gold (Prue was being very picky). Kate had a mare and came bottom. Stats fans should know that winners usually do better than average in the technical rounds, not that I'm making predictions.

For the showstopper, they had to make a sculptural centre-piece out of meringue, with a dessert element (curds, mousses or creams, with a bit of acidity to complement the sweetness). Paul wanted "personality" and they expected at least two types of meringue. The structure, crucially, had to not collapse in a heap when it got to the judges. “They have to almost be architectural engineers as well as bakers as they have to design this thing to support itself,” said Paul, with that evil glint he gets when setting particularly tricky challenges.

Stacey's creation was called “Flamingoes in Love”. If Instagram likes could equal Bake Off points, the woman would surely be miles ahead this week, so millennial are her the themes of her bakes?

Sophie, we learnt, used to be a ballet dancer until the age of 20 (before her Army career and stunt woman training - this programme is not good for the average gal's self esteem). She was making a tutu out of meringue, concealing a nine-layer opera cake. Steven, sweetly, made a hot air balloon inspired by a song his grandma used to sing to him. Kate was doing a Swiss meringue rainbow with loads of different flavours. “This is the gayest challenge of all time,” said Sandi on hearing the details of all the bakes. I don’t think Paul would have got away with that.

Bake Off knows how to build tension. “Each element added puts more strain on their fragile meringue,” said the voiceover with the grim tones usually reserved for those documentaries about emergency services where someone is hovering on a rope off a helicopter between life or death.

Sophie's tutu had some serious cracks. Steven’s basket was melting as he went. “This is horrible to watch,” said Sandi. It wasn’t, it was a lot of fun.

Sophie's flavours impressed but Paul was less wowed with the tutu's appearance. “Looks like a hat,” he said. Philistine. Kate’s rainbow creation to me looked like a patisserie shop had exploded on a chopping board. “It’s a bit of a splat of flavour and colour…it freaks me out a little bit,” said Paul, in a rare moment of clarity. Prue loved it, “You have to release your mind, it’s an absolute celebration of fruit and cream and meringue. She declared it “Kate on a plate”. That was a big tick in the personality box. Stacey’s flamingos got an ambivalent response and were deemed a little "simplistic". They decided Steven’s looked more like a psychedelic tree than a balloon - Paul was into the flavours but not the execution.

Sophie didn't surprise anyone by being awarded star baker but has she peaked too soon?

The decapitated flamingo on the table in the denouement proved to be a warning for Stacey and she was packed off home. "I can go back to being a good mum," she said, which, joking aside, gave some idea of the emotional toll the show takes on the contestants. One week to go before they – and we – no longer have to think about obscure continental bakes. I'll miss this silliness.