Is the world ready for pop superstar Cruz Beckham?

If you had “Cruz Beckham becomes a pop sensation” on your 2024 bingo card, you might just be in luck. David and Victoria’s third child, who was born during the couple’s stint in Madrid and is somehow now 19 years old, has reportedly teamed up with top songwriters and producers to supercharge his fledgling music career and apparently plans to release new tracks this year.

It feels like some sort of ancient (or at least, mid-Nineties) prophecy: that the son of a Spice Girl would try to have a crack at a singing career. Admittedly, Victoria was never the strongest vocalist in the band, to put it diplomatically – she’s since joked that her mic used to be turned off during live performances – but she could carry a tune, and always had a certain star quality. Her son first appeared on stage aged three, making a breakdancing cameo during a Spice Girls reunion gig, so he’s clearly comfortable with the limelight. And Cruz has one glaring advantage over his mum. Victoria’s dad may have driven her to school in a Rolls-Royce but he certainly didn’t have Brand Beckham-level cash to throw at her musical aspirations.

According to a report in The Sun, Cruz’s family has already made a major investment in his music. An “industry insider” told the paper last month that the Beckhams have already spent “a fortune” on “getting him in rooms with some of the best brains in the business”. Those “best brains” are rumoured to include the likes of songwriter Ed Drewett, who has four No 1 singles to his name (including Little Mix bangers “Black Magic” and “Shout Out To My Ex”), producer Fred Ball, who has worked with Beyoncé, Rihanna and Mariah Carey, and Joe Rubel, who regularly collaborates with Ed Sheeran (don’t hold it against him).

Of course, people who hyperfixate on niche celebrity news (me) will be well aware that this isn’t Cruz’s first foray into the music industry. Back in 2016, at the venerable age of 11, the youngest Beckham boy released a charity Christmas single called “If Every Day Was Christmas”. It was solid festive schmaltz, complete with sleigh bells, lyrics about mistletoe (bit weird for an 11-year-old, maybe?) and a video drenched in fake snow. Cruz sounded just like a young Justin Bieber – hardly surprising, given that he was then being managed by Scooter Braun, who, before he became Taylor Swift’s nemesis, was best known for scouting 13-year-old Biebs. The whole thing became fodder for one of Piers Morgan’s rants (he claimed that the Beckhams’ “masterplan has involved cynically exploiting their family” in order to “enhance Brand Beckham”) and Olly Murs was called upon to defend the youngster during a debate on This Morning. As far as publicity for your debut single goes, it was a mixed bag.

But since then, Cruz has kept his head down (as much as you can keep your head down as a member of Britain’s unofficial royal family). Stories have semi-frequently cropped up, hinting at his plans for stardom, including reports claiming that his godfather Marc Anthony, a four-time Grammy winner and ex-husband of Jennifer Lopez, was pulling a few strings behind the scenes) but no more music has materialised. Apparently, the teen is deliberately playing a long game. “There is a lot of excitement around him as a singer but he is also acutely aware that he really needs to prove himself so he isn’t just accused of being a nepo baby, which is why he has spent so long perfecting the music,” The Sun’s insider claims.

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It seems like Cruz may have learnt from his eldest brother’s missteps. The public doesn’t mind a nepo baby (for proof, see Dakota Johnson, Zoe Kravitz, etcetera, etcetera) if they’re actually good at what they do. But 25-year-old Brooklyn, bless him, has spent early adulthood churning through a seemingly endless succession of hobbies and careers, only to be roundly slagged off for being bang average at all of them.

First, there was his ill-fated shot at photography, destined to be encapsulated by one snap of an elephant totally obliterated by shadow (“So hard to photograph but incredible to see,” he mused in the caption – we had to take his word for it). Then came his chef era, best summed up by the time he served up a bright pink joint of beef as part of a roast dinner, then a brief foray into fashion, followed by a pivot back to food. Earlier this year, he “curated” a menu for Uber Eats which was basically precision-engineered for mockery; even morning telly queen Lorraine Kelly, a woman who has had to discuss some truly pointless celebrity ventures in her time, was moved to ask: “What’s the point?”. You can see why Cruz might want to take the opposite route: spending time honing one skill, and getting good at it, rather than changing jobs more times than Barbie.

So what will Cruz’s music sound like? We can probably assume that his saccharine Christmas tune was an anomaly: no one enjoys the same music at 11 as they do at 19. From videos shared on his parents’ Instagram accounts, we know that he has followed in the footsteps of countless misunderstood teenage boys before him and picked up the acoustic guitar (a sign that a Liam Payne-esque attempt at hip-hop is probably off the cards).

In fairness, he seems to be a pretty competent strummer: in December, Victoria posted a snippet from a pub gig, in which Cruz pulled off the jagged guitar solo from The Beatles’ “Come Together”. A few years back, he told iD that he’d also taught himself to play the piano, drums and even the mandolin (which seems a bit counterintuitive: surely mum and dad could have organised some lessons with, I don’t know, Elton John, Dave Grohl, one of the lesser Mumfords?) and named Oasis, Usher and Beyoncé as musical influences. His songs, he says, are inspired by “personal experiences, real experiences” – but if he ever gets hit with writer’s block, surely the Spice Girls back catalogue is crying out for an acoustic reinterpretation?