Everyone please enjoy being outraged about the outrage over Jacob Rees-Mogg’s best mate, the fired Waitrose mag editor

Before we mourn the death of free speech in this once great country, via the premature demise, a mere twenty years into the role, of the loose-fingered emailer-in-chief of Waitrose mag, it is at least worth pausing to observe the sheer volume of free speech heralded by this seismic event.

We are now, I believe, on to day three of vegangate, this very modern scandal prompted by the now outgoing Waitrose magazine editor William Sitwell, responding to a freelance pitch from a vegan food writer, with a string of “gags” about how all vegans are hypocrites and wouldn’t it be jolly good fun to kill them and eat them, and then deciding, after his gags were made public, that perhaps it might be time he stood down.

If you were to publish every opinion uttered on this subject in an edition of Waitrose mag, and then stack them one of top of the other, they would stretch from here to one of Saturn’s moons, a mileage of Waitrose mags only surpassed by the number edited by William Sitwell himself.

First it began with various outraged vegans on Twitter. Then, naturally, there were journalists outraged at outraged vegans on Twitter, the row arguably reaching its apotheosis when Jacob Rees-Mogg intervened to politely point out that “William is a great writer and a great friend and this is all a great pity.” William is also, as it happens, the heir presumptive to the Sitwell baronetcy, which is nice.

Is it a free speech issue? Is it merely an internal disciplinary matter? At times of such intellectual quandary it is traditional to turn to the words of Voltaire, who in one of the very first pieces William Sitwell ever commissioned for Waitrose mag, said: “I detest red lentils, but I will defend to the death your right to curry them.”

Which at least partially explains why, for the last three days, at this decisive moment in the nation’s history, the nation has been free to speak about whatever subject it chooses, and it does not appear especially interested in exercising its right to free speech on any subject beyond staffing matters at an in-house supermarket magazine. For this, certainly, disciplinary procedures should be followed. After a long and noble career, it is time for us to step down from being a serious country.

Or maybe not. Maybe we should be proud of ourselves. On Sunday, Brazil elected a far right homophobe as its president, in a result that has already been explained away as just the latest shock election result in a world radicalised by social media. Of course, we’ve had Brexit, so we’re not exactly immune, but that we are deploying these terrifying technologies to lose our rag over nothing more consequential than some vegan-baiting emails one could argue is inspiring.

Of course, it’s rather sad that this rather nice chap should lose his job, just for making some bad jokes about eating vegans, to a vegan. But then there’s the fact that today is World Vegan Day, and you might have read a survey that says one third of British people have now either reduced their meat intake or stopped entirely. Not only are a lot of those people potential Waitrose customers, but the survey was commissioned by Waitrose itself, to tie in with their big vegan product push.

When your job is principally to provide a reputation management service for overpriced aubergines, even the best-intentioned gags about killing and eating the customers you’re meant to be talking into buying them, are potentially problematic. Veganism is the rising food trend of the hour. Eating vegans might have been funny in around 1983, but times, like Sitwell, have now moved on.

It has been speculated that Sitwell’s departure over a rude email has a touch of the Al Capone going down for mail fraud about it. I have no idea about whether he is, deep down, a very nice person. But as somebody who knows a few freelance journalists, who have pitched the occasional feature to Waitrose mag, let’s just say the short, obnoxious, unfunny and needlessly rude message sent by Sitwell to Selene Nelson is not the only one I’ve ever read.

May we wish him the very best of luck with whatever the future brings. Not least as, having now gone a little bit freelance himself, he might just need it.