Becoming a vegan doesn’t mean you’re green – and I know, I am one

At last – something to wipe that smug look off vegans’ faces. Almond milk is killing the planet.

In a new study into foodstuffs used as meat and dairy substitutes by Oxford University’s Environmental Change Institute, the plant-based white stuff popular with vegans was found to be bad for the planet.

It’s a wounding blow. For years, meat-eaters have been berated about how their lifestyle choices negatively impact the environment as well as their individual health. Now, the pleather boot is on the other foot.

As a vegan myself, I know first-hand how we are used to having things our own, sanctified way. Yes, vegans have a longer life expectancy, clearer skin, improved blood circulation and brain activity, lower risk of cancer and cardiovascular disease, improved insulin resistance and – weirdest humblebrag of all – a more diverse gut biome, but we’re also simply better for the planet. Would you like to touch my hem?

If it wasn’t under an import ban, we’d live permanently in ethically sourced ivory towers. So it will rankle that our solid green credentials come with red flags.

In the Oxford study – which ranked the foods on six factors including cost, land use, water use, nutrients, greenhouse gases and impact on reducing disease risk – almond milk, the plant-based sector’s long-time leader, was a clear bogeyman.

To grow the almonds required for a single glass of “mylk” takes 130 pints of water, which is more than a morning shower. And that’s before the creamy nut-based drink is air-freighted from the warm places where the sun-loving crops can actually grow – typically, California, which is responsible for more than 80 per cent of the world’s supply.

Now, this is not to say the vegan diet is worse for the planet than a meat-eating one – in almost every regard, it’s not; other studies have shown how going vegan vastly reduces greenhouse gas emissions, water pollution through fertilisers and pesticides and land use than diets in which more than 100g of meat a day was eaten.

The livestock industry is responsible for the vast majority of all food-related greenhouse gas emissions. Before you come at me with personal methane emissions – that vegans fart more – according to yet another study, of 55,000 British people’s eating habits, vegans actually emit 93 per cent less of the planet-warming greenhouse gas than those following a diet with a high-meat content.

But the vegan lifestyle is still not quite as saintly and virtuous as its perma-pious devotees would have you believe.

Take avocados. We should by now all know about how the vegan’s favourite source of folate and monounsaturated fat comes with some dark ethical issues . So popular have the green fruits (more soluble fibre than any other!) become, we must now talk of “conflict” avocados: in certain parts of the world, the trade involves powerful cartels, child slave labour and illegal deforestation.

And there are the growing concerns. To pollinate their crops, commercial farmers depend on migratory beekeeping, an un-eco practice that involves driving populations of bees over vast distances. Laugh if you like – and there’s an idea for a new Wallace & Gromit cartoon in there somewhere – the insect exploitation involved means avocados are, strictly speaking, not suitable for vegans.

Cashews, which are widely used to create vegan alternatives to cream and cheese, have also been singled out as promoting deforestation and reducing biodiversity.

And while oat milk is vastly better for the environment than almond and other varieties – being a plentiful crop that grows in cooler climates, the food miles involved can be greatly reduced – it is by no means perfect on the carbon emissions front. Several of Britain’s leading oat milk brands were recently shown to be shipping their oat milk from abroad, or using imported oat syrup, which surely defeats the object.

As vegans weep collectively into their weak soya lattes at the pity of it all, consider this: nutritional yeast – a cupboard staple in dairy-dodging households – could be most problematic of all.

Stirred into a blipping pot, the yellow flakes of inactive yeast (yum) add a salty, cheesy finish, like a good grate of parmesan, as well as micronutrients often lacking in vegan diets, notably vitamin B12 and zinc. Delicious, yes – but it’s no golden wonder.

Made in giant vats by feeding sugar solution to fungus, the resulting fermented gloop is then rinsed and heat-treated in a process that releases acetaldehyde, which is produced naturally by the body but can be as damaging to your DNA as formaldehyde, and is a known carcinogen that can cause oesophageal cancer.

In their findings, the Oxford researchers concluded that heavily processed vegan products, from plant-based burgers to lab-grown meat, were bad news for the climate. They could also have said that John Lewis and Lakeland should start selling a “knit your own plant mylk” gadget – first, catch your oats… – but they bottled it.