As an American in Britain, I couldn’t be happier that Donald Trump is visiting the UK next week

We are a week away from the Donald Trump coming to the UK for the first time as president of the United States, which means we have less than a month left of listening to people pretend that he will be refused entry. Let’s face it. It’s not going to happen. You don’t refuse a man with buttons that big.

Not only that, you can’t tell Donald J Trump not to go somewhere. He’s the president and the office holds a lot of weight. As does Donald himself. (I wouldn’t normally body shame someone but as he’s clearly lying about his weight to avoid being classified as obese it’s fair game. I’m not saying allegedly lying cause if he sues me that would lead to discovery and that would lead to a scale. Although since UK libel laws are so backwards let me be very clear that I do actually mean he is allegedly lying).

I get why you don’t like him, believe me, I’m with you. At least most of you don’t have to defend the man every time you speak because people hear an American accent. No matter how long I’ve lived here, even after getting a British passport, I get blamed for whatever Trump does. It’s like getting blamed for a trump in the lift just because you’re the only one there when someone else gets in.

The best thing we can do is to allow him to come and give him a welcome only the UK can. He needs the David-Blaine-hamburger-outside-of-a-glass-box-treatment. The total derision and ridicule that greeted Blaine’s stupid stunt was a work of art in itself. It was the moment I realised I wanted to stay here for the rest of my life.

Already there has been crowdfunding for an inflatable Trump baby to float over London. That’s what he has to be met with. For the Donald it’s about the optics and the images. For him all that glitters is indeed gold. Even showers.

He’s the ultimate snowflake – he can’t handle any direct criticism. Trust me, I know firsthand: he blocked me on Twitter just over a year ago.

Better to have him come and while he’s hiding out in Chequers, have the biggest and best protest ever. Something that will make his inauguration photos look even worse. It won’t take more than about 10 people. Let the far right in the USA bemoan people exercising their democratic right of freedom of expression. The irony will be lost on them; I’ll get it though, since irony was one of the questions on my British citizenship test.

Banning him would be a win for him and his whinging supporters. It would allow them to say that the rest of the world is against the USA and would feed in to the American First and only attitude.

The meeting will also be a chance for Theresa May to swat back his hand and stand up for Western democratic ideals. She won’t though, she’s more likely to hide in a field of wheat.

Labour supporters will spend a lot of wasted energy criticising May for meeting him. They shouldn’t. They should remember Jeremy Corbyn has met with Hamas, the IRA and Bashar Al-Assad. Not to mention that picture of him with the giant marrow. Because sometimes you have to meet with wannabe dictators, autocrats and the humourless. Even if that person you’re meeting is Jeremy Corbyn.

Let the visit be a repudiation of Trumpism and nationalism. Let it be a chance to organise the biggest peaceful protest the UK has ever seen. That will send a real message.

To cap it all off make sure someone ties a giant bucket of KFC to the inflatable Trump baby, that way he will definitely see it.

Erich McElroy is an American comedian, broadcaster and writer based in the UK. Check out his podcast ‘Pod to be an American’ on iTunes and Soundcloud.