The Top 10: Perfect gaffes

A perfect gaffe is “something that is true but highly embarrassing and unwise to say”, as Donald Macintyre, my former boss as political editor of The Independent, defined it, after Boris Johnson said “devolution has been a disaster north of the border” to a group of northern Conservative MPs.

1. Viscount Goderich’s admission of his own uselessness to George IV, 1828. He was dismissed as prime minister as a result. Nominated by Ben Griffin.  

2. “We’re more popular than Jesus now.” John Lennon, 1966. Thanks to Rob Jackson.  

3. “In exceptional cases, it is necessary to say something that is untrue in the House of Commons.” William Waldegrave, minister for open government, 1994, citing the example of James Callaghan, the Labour chancellor, who had denied the pound would be devalued in 1967. From Michael Crick.  

4. “I have as much experience in the Congress as Jack Kennedy did when he sought the presidency.” Dan Quayle, 1988. Questioned about his experience in a vice-presidential TV debate, he unleashed Lloyd Bentsen’s immortal “You’re no Jack Kennedy” comeback. Nominated by George Gowland. 

5. “People say, ‘How can you sell this for such a low price?’ I say, because it’s total crap.” Gerald Ratner, 1991, at the Institute of Directors annual convention, at which he boasted about “cut-glass sherry decanters complete with six glasses on a silver-plated tray that your butler can serve you drinks on, all for £4.95”. Led to Ratner’s resignation, the closure of hundreds of shops, the loss of thousands of jobs, and the rebranding of what was left of the business as Signet Group. Thanks to Conor Downey, Cole Davis, Tom Peck, Joe Twyman, Andrew Smith and Stewart Slater.  

6. “This is another event that confirms that it is worth being prudent and taking out insurance.” Włodzimierz Cimoszewicz, Polish prime minister, 1997, after floods. A couple of months later, his party lost the election. Thanks to Ben Stanley.  

7. “Image from Rochester.” Emily Thornberry, 2014. She resigned from Ed Miliband’s shadow cabinet after posting a photo of a house draped in St George’s flags with a white van parked outside during the Rochester by-election (won by Mark Reckless for Ukip). From John McTernan and Paul Edwards.  

8. “That’s just more votes in the Democratic Party.” John Kasich, Republican presidential hopeful, 2016, opposed statehood for Washington DC because it would mean more Democrats in Congress. From James of Nazareth.  

9. “Probably does f*** all.” Dame Helen Mirren, 2017. The brand ambassador for L’Oreal’s Age Perfect moisturiser. Another from Conor Downey. 

10. “We’re in the money.” Sung by Mike Coupe, boss of Sainsbury’s, 2018, while waiting to be interviewed by ITV to explain the proposed takeover of Asda. Thanks to Nigel Fox.  

Not accepted: “One is not allowed to accuse another honourable member of not being sober; however, I seriously put it to you that the minister is incapable,” Clare Short of Alan Clark, 1983, nominated by Alastair Stewart (it did Short’s reputation for plain speaking no end of good – especially when Clark later admitted it); “Most of the egg production in this country, sadly, is now affected with salmonella,” Edwina Currie, 1988 (she meant “much”); “I’m afraid there is no money,” Liam Byrne’s handover letter, 2010, nominated by John Dickins (we seem to have found £200bn more); “You could put half of Trump’s supporters into what I call the basket of deplorables,” Hillary Clinton, 2016, nominated by PD Anderson, Graham Foreman, Peter Sketch and Simon Indelicate (but it’s just an opinion).  

Attempts to nominate Jeremy Corbyn (“the scale of the problem was also dramatically overstated for political reasons by our opponents”) and Nicholas Ridley (economic and monetary union is “a German racket designed to take over the whole of Europe”) were sadly returned marked “addressee unknown”.  

Next week: Underrated Christmas Songs, such as “Just Like Christmas”, by Low.

Coming soon: Missed scoops, such as The New York Times being tipped off about Watergate but failing to follow it up.  

Your suggestions please, and ideas for future Top 10s, to me on Twitter, or by email to top10@independent.co.uk