The Top 10: Grand titles that diminish the holder

Editor-in-chief is one of those funny titles where the last two words should make you more important but in fact make you less, said David Mills, when George Osborne ceased to be editor of the Evening Standard. As Simon Kelner, my former editor, once said to Lisa Markwell, another of my former editors: “The only word you want on your business card next to Editor is ‘The’.”

1. Supreme warlord. One of Kaiser Wilhelm’s official titles, although he was a cipher during the First World War, marginalised by his generals, Ludendorff and Hindenburg. Ludendorff, the brains of the “Silent Dictatorship” of 1916-18, had the official title of First Quartermaster General, which belied his supreme authority for the direction of the war. He could hire and fire chancellors at will, and did. Nominated by Paul T Horgan.

2. Deputy prime minister. For Sir Geoffrey Howe, at least. He was sacked as foreign secretary in 1989, became leader of the House of Commons and was given the DPM title as a sop. Bernard Ingham, Margaret Thatcher’s press secretary, made clear it was meaningless. Thanks to Graham Kirby and Chris Smith.

3. His Excellency President for Life, Field Marshal Alhaji Dr Idi Amin Dada, VC, DSO, MC, CBE. He said the CBE stood for Conqueror of the British Empire, and he also declared himself King of Scotland (which gave rise to the film, The Last King of Scotland). To be fair, Amin was quite powerful in Uganda until the Tanzanians deposed him in 1979. Thanks to Robert Boston.

4. Chairman emeritus. Stan Lee, of Marvel, went from interim editor to editor-in-chief (which did actually mean editor) to writer, to president, to publisher, and later to chairman emeritus, while suing Marvel at the same time, and finally to executive producer for the films. Thanks to No Ordinary Cat.

5. Vice president. Mid-level position in financial institutions. Nominated by Dave Wood. Even president is not particularly senior, added QI: directors and managing directors are more senior but they are not actual directors or managing directors.

6. Club captain. Something to do with football. Different from “on-field captain”, which is the real title, according to David Mills.

7. Director of football. No idea what this means, from David Twizell, Chapel Guilt and Andrew Clark.

8. Executive. Implies that you have the power to make decisions, even if you’re not allowed any business cards. Thanks to AC Wailing.

9. Prime minister. In Russia (and possibly now also in France). Thanks to Darren Cooper.

10. Queen. Excellent nomination from Neil Munro.

Honourable mention for Richard Eccles, who had to explain to his mum what a deputy chief sub-editor was. “A rollercoaster of a job title,” as he said.

Next week: Films within films, such as Murder at Midnight, the film the villagers watch at the beginning of the 1981 version of The Mirror Crack’d.

Coming soon: Ironic commemorations, such as Francis Greenway, the only person convicted of forgery to appear on a banknote (the Australian $10).

Your suggestions please, and ideas for future Top 10s, to me on Twitter, or by email to top10@independent.co.uk