The Top Ten: Useless Words

This list is left over from the print edition of The Independent on Sunday, which ceased in March last year. The parting shot of Mike Higgins, editor of its magazine, The New Review, at the back of which the Top 10 originally appeared, was to comment that eschatology, the doctrine of last things, was a useless word.

This went down badly with the theological community on Twitter, so I quickly conceded that it is a fine and wonderful piece of the language, albeit one for which I have no use. As David McKay‏ said, I won’t stress over it, it’s not the end of the world.

1. God. David Boothroyd‏ continued the religious theme, citing Charles Bradlaugh (above): “The word ‘God’ is to me a sound conveying no clear or distinct affirmation.” (From “A Plea for Atheism”, 1883.)

2. Skillset, upskill, learnings, synergise, ideation, rightsize, solutioneer, agreeance, hyperlocal, benchmarking. That’s 10 from Adam Greves alone.

3. Neoliberal. Nominated by Graham Kirby and Jake Goretzki‏ mainly, I suspect, because it drives some people on Twitter wild to suggest their politics is built on opposing a chimera. Graham also suggested listicle, which I ruled out of order; guesstimate, to which David Curran objected (a useful shade of meaning between guess and estimate); and incentivise, which I accepted, even though I have used it myself recently (“encourage” is always preferable). And Jake also proposed “basically”.

4. Utilise. When you could use “use” instead, said Lesley Smith. Which is always.

5. Pusillanimous. “‘Cowardly’ means the same and is easier to spell,” said Clyde Davies‏.

6. Comestible. Ian C‏ said: “There must be thousands in English on account of Anglo-Saxon and Romance alternatives, so it is just a case of picking the silliest.”

7. Otiose. It means useless, said Akash Paun. Oh, very clever. “Serving no practical purpose or result; archaic: indolent or idle,” according to the Oxford Dictionary. “Late 18th century: from Latin otiosus, from otium ‘leisure’.” Some lawyers on Twitter said they used it a lot in their pleadings. No further questions, your honour.

8. Incredibly. Fiona Mactaggart‏, the former Labour MP, said: “Incredibly is now used to mean ‘very’ about things which are perfectly credible.” Talking of “very”, GH Neale‏ said it was itself superfluous. Which I have disproved in the previous entry.

9. Potable, for drinkable (water). Chris Gibbon: “‏On the rare occasions I see it, it makes me stop and re-read the sentence, assuming it’s a misprint.”

10. Ongoing. Robert Orchard‏: “Dire 1980s Americanism, now depressingly ubiquitous. Perfectly good English alternative is ‘continuing’. Worse: ongoing situation.”

ThatBlokeThere‏ tried to nominate “political commentator”. I said that was two words, to which he replied that I had only another eight left to find, then. Fortunately, my decision is final. Honourable mentions for Sonja, Charles Wheeler‏ and Geoffrey Mamdani‏ for “proactive” (“What does the ‘pro-’ add?”), “robust” and “millennial”.

But I was told off by Ros Hewitt‏: “There are no useless words, just people who don’t know how to use words. Read more books and grow your vocabulary people.” Who could argue?

Next week: Misattributed Quotations, such as, “the NHS will last as long as there are folk left with the faith to fight for it,” often ascribed, especially on social media, to Aneurin Bevan

Coming soon: Actors who everyone thought would be terrible in a role but who turned out to be great, inspired by Tom Cruise in Interview With The Vampire (1994)

Some of these words are on my Banned List, the e-book of which is available for just £4.79. Your suggestions, and ideas for future Top 10s, in the comments please, or to me on Twitter, or by email to top10@independent.co.uk