I’m devastated by Taylor Swift’s breakup – this is why

It’s not unusual after a break-up to scroll social media looking for updates from the person that’s on your mind. It’s not unusual to avoid songs that remind you of them; or to spend hours going over every word they uttered in the weeks before things ended. It is, however, unusual to do these things following a break-up that was not your own.

So it’s odd that, since Taylor Swift’s reported split with British actor Joe Alwyn hit the headlines early on Sunday morning, I’ve found it hard to go about my business as normal.

Showering this morning, I was momentarily winded as Swift’s recent album track, “Paris” – an unabashedly romantic number about the freedom and intimacy of life with Alwyn – shuffled onto Spotify. There was a reflexive twist of the gut; an immediate instinct to switch it off. I had to give myself a talking-to: since when did I care this much about celebrity break-ups?

I spent Easter weekend glued to Twitter as it lit up with updates and theories from Swifties – the lovably unhinged tribe of Taylor devotees that follows her every move. Some claimed they saw the couple together in Liverpool just days ago; others swore the relationship had hit the rocks months ago.

Fans pored over lyrics from her most recent album, Midnights, seemingly written and released during a still-blissful spell for Alwyn and Swift, who have been together for six years. It felt like a collective, post-dumping fug we couldn’t pull ourselves out of.

The speculation hit fever pitch on Monday night, when the star – who has yet to comment on the split – was seen strolling in New York’s West Village, all Marianne Faithfull fringe and high-waisted jeans, smiling and waving to fans. This is a celeb who is never seen unless she absolutely wants to be.

She was spotted three blocks away from Cornelia Street, the road she once vowed she’d “never walk again” if she ever lost Alwyn, in a track of the same name. The Swiftie hive exploded: was she wearing her “J” necklace? Was this her “revenge dress” moment?

It’s not hard to see why fans are living every beat of this break-up as if it were our own. For one, we feel we’ve read Swift’s diaries when it comes to this relationship. From the first flickers of lust in the Reputation era (“Inescapable, I’m not even gonna try/And if I get burned, at least we were electrified”), to the assured commitment of 2019’s “Lover” (“My heart’s been borrowed and yours has been blue/All’s well that ends well to end up with you”) and the reflections of Folklore (“Isn’t it just so pretty to think that all along there was some invisible string/Tying you to me?”)

Swift’s past three albums seemed bursting with gratitude and optimism about the resilience and future of her relationship. Unless we’ve missed a major step in the narrative, the fandom is wondering: what the hell went wrong?

Trawling past albums for evidence is apt, since Swift is currently touring her biggest show in years – The Eras Tour, where she will sing songs about Alwyn nightly. Half of the shock factor is sheer disbelief that Swift has been breezing through a set so steeped in her relationship without breaking down (fans did note that she switched “Invisible String”, about Alwyn, for heartbreak anthem “The 1”, at her 31 March Vegas show.)

For Swifties with strong personalities and or big career aspirations, it also feels like confirmation that their vivacity or ambition might be too much for even the most supportive partner. “Joe has struggled with Taylor’s level of fame,” a source told People magazine on Monday. Following the scavenger trail of post-2017 lyrics, Alwyn always seemed to be the ideal secure, supportive beta partner for a supernova like Swift. She has praised his ability to accept the abnormal state of her fame, suggested he made her feel safe and gave her a semblance of normality. He even anonymously co-wrote several of her award-winning tracks. Meanwhile, the physical connection sounded equally fizzing. If these two can’t make it work, then who can?

This couple represents a fascinating dichotomy: on one hand, they’re known for being ultra private – rarely pictured together, never commenting on one another, and going to great lengths to spend time away from public attention.

On the other, we’ve been singing along to their love story since 2017. The split, if true, feels like a reminder of any relationship’s mortality; the connection we feel so sure about today could dissolve in a matter of months.

Of course, it’s not particularly unusual or devastating for a 33-year-old to drift apart from a partner and become single. But something about the break-up feels personal to those who love Swift’s music and have watched it flourish under the warm glow of her relationship.

Her output in the Alwyn years has been so open-hearted, vividly painted and relatable that it’s fused with our own romantic memories. We know what they had – or we feel we do.

So spare a thought for the Swifties in your life this week – we’re all feeling a little fragile.