Susanna Reid has forgotten the golden rule for midlife hair

“New Term, new Trim” trilled Susanna Reid on my Twitter timeline. The GMB presenter announced a picture of her new look with the caption: “The mid-life hair debate! At 52, I’ve had the CHOP” despite Cher saying older women should keep their hair long as they grow older. What do you think?”

Well frankly, Susanna, much as I love you (we were in the same year at school together a million years ago) I, like many mid-life women, am finished with being told what we should and shouldn’t do with our hair or wear.

And when it comes to hair the advice is relentless. One day we’re being told we need to get a LOB (long bob) the next only the BTB (below the boobs) will cut the mustard after 45. Why? Because Gwyneth has it, along with Sarah Jessica Parker from And Just Like That (keep up at the back, it’s the Sex and the City reboot) not to mention Beyonce, Amal Clooney and all those eighties supermodels who appeared on the cover of Vogue this month.

But I forgive Susanna for missing the midlife hair memo because the truth is it’s hard to keep up. Our hair must be long, but also must be short; we need to cover up the grey, but also we shouldn’t go too dark; light is good, greige is better – and that’s before we get anywhere near all the hot-pink menopausal marketing which tells us to try this or that conditioner to stop “Hagrid hair”.

A couple of years into my sixth decade I reckon I’ve had 40 years of style “tips” (I’d call it bossiness or commands) directed my way – and I am absolutely sick of it. Essentially, older women are ignored by our culture until they aren’t because there’s money to be made.  My own research has shown that over half of women aged 45 to 65 said they felt invisible – unless they’re being told how to look younger and more attractive.

In the last few weeks alone, I’ve been told in depth what kind of shapewear I should be sporting at all times (in this weather are you kidding?) and directed as to whether or not I am allowed to wear a bikini (frankly I’ll be the judge of that – if I don’t want tan lines, I’ll wear a two piece and I’ll take my top off if I feel like it). I’ve been told navy is more flattering, but black is back. Bingo wings are to be hidden and so too must my knees. I’d do better wearing neon-bright colours. But remember black is back – but only if you wear it this way.

The truth is, I read these midlife style missives with growing irritation and disbelief. As do most women I know, because the only rule we’re following is there are no rules for our age group anymore. I run a platform and community for the over 50’s. I call them Queenagers because they are Queens, in the throes of starting new chapters, becoming the women they always wanted to be. The women I spend my life hanging out with, thinking about and talking about, don’t give a f*** what other people think about them. And when it comes to hair, that means wearing it exactly as we please. Long, short, grey, dyed – you do you.

We know what suits us and what fits with our lifestyles. “At 50 women can have whatever hair they like” explains Tabitha James Kaan, Queenager hair expert. “As long as it is in great condition, wear it anyway you want. Go with your inner wise woman. You decide!”

And that is the essence of Queenager-hood. We realise that defining ourselves by what we look like is a total waste of time. It’s sweating a diminishing asset. And that is fine. We want to look a good version of ourselves, sure, but it is no longer our defining characteristic. If women are like rainbows, then our looks and our fertility are just two of the colours; as we hit midlife, we start to value ourselves for all the shades that we are. The truth is that confidence is what is truly attractive in a woman as she ages. Confidence and energy. It’s your hair and your body – do what feels right for you. And the rules? Sod ‘em.

Eleanor Mills is the Founder of noon.org.uk – home of the Queenager