The Strictly contestants are not dancing on a level floor – I’m firmly in the camp of the underdogs

I’ve been struggling with Strictly this year, ever since my mate Anneka Rice left in week three.

Week three is movie week on the Strictly calendar and Anneka and her partner (last year’s champ) Kevin Clifton gave us a Kill Bill-themed cha-cha. Despite having executed a gorgeous pink-frocked waltz the previous week and giving Uma Thurman a run for her money in leggy loveliness, this just wasn’t Anneka’s dance. She clod-hopped out, grinning gamely but knowing deep down she was doomed.

Anneka is untrained, and although she’s physically in the best nick of anyone I know, she has never danced in a professional capacity in her life. She didn’t go to theatre school and she has certainly never appeared dancing on the West End stage. Some of the other contestants (both past and present) have, because I’ve seen them.

Since Anneka’s departure, I’ve been left with a very strong sense that the contestants aren’t dancing on a level sprung floor.

It’s not that anyone is denying some of the contestants’ previous experience – rather that it’s seldom mentioned and only the “showbiz cynical” question whether it’s fair that someone who has only danced around their own kitchen is being judged with the same scrutiny as those who have years of dance training.

I don’t want to name names here, after all it’s pretty easy to go on the internet and do your own sleuthing if you’re that way inclined – I have and I must say several interesting facts emerged. Some have definite dance form, others have none and some are a bit of a mystery. Let’s just say that past dance triumphs are played down by the production, but, as a Twitter follower pointed out to me, would we really want to see an entire show of Ann Widdecombes? Certainly not. To be honest, I never want to see that woman’s face again and I think Strictly’s transformation of Widdecombe into some kind of harmless panto dame was one of the most terrifying PR jobs in recent times.

What bothers me is that when children watch the programme, they are being told that if you try very, very hard then you will do very, very well and score lots of points whilst the ones lumping around like Lego need to try harder. Being trained in dance is, funnily enough, an extraordinary advantage in a dance competition.

As someone whose training stopped aged seven, I know that thanks to a certain natural bendiness I can make some extraordinary moves, but I have no musical ability whatsoever and cannot follow choreography to save my life. I once had to march on stage with two other women and would set off on the wrong foot every night. See, I can’t even march in time and marching is really just walking.

Dancers have muscle memory, which is the thing that makes experienced dancers instinctively point their feet in the right direction and hold their shoulders just so.

Dancing isn’t just about being fit either; even sports stars who have the right physique and the correct mentality can come a cropper on Strictly. Some of them don’t have what I call “mirror-ball imagination” and fail to put any pizazz into their routines. They might be spot on with the steps but there’s no magic.

There are definite exceptions to this rule. This year it’s been great to see the female football player Alex Scott develop some gorgeous performance skills, whilst the Paralympic tennis table champ Will Bayley had everyone in tears last week with an interpretive dance piece that left judge Motsi Mabuse unable to speak.

Will, being a sportsman with a disability, is so determined he will push and push and push himself, to the point of injury, that he couldn’t dance at the weekend. That’s another problem with expecting so much from the untrained: they have no idea how to save themselves from harm. They will “have a go”, because they don’t know what the consequences might be. Even the pros get hurt, too, but most of the time they have the balance and the strength to avoid serious damage.

Maybe it’s time the most improved couple got a few extra points? For me it’s been a revelation watching fellow stand-up Chris Ramsey, who has plenty of stage experience but none of it in dance, fighting so hard to keep up. The man is doing his best, he’s almost cross-eyed with concentration and yet there he is down at the bottom of the leaderboard. Which just goes to show kids that you can do your very best and still get ripped apart by the judges, because rather than attending Miss Miggin’s academy of ballroom dancing since the age of three, you’ve spent your career chatting into a mic.

Despite my reservations, I’m sticking with Strictly: it’s just that nowadays when I’m watching in my pyjamas on the sofa I’m mentally scoring two different competitions, one for the pros and one for the Strictly amateurs. I know who I’m rooting for the most.