Sorry Fergie, it takes more than a pair of knickers to spice up a marriage in 2023

For those who don’t watch daytime television (like me), you may have missed Sarah “Fergie” Ferguson’s foray into hosting, as she made a special guest appearance on ITV’s This Morning. 

Flanked by regulars Dermot O’Leary and Alison Hammond, the Duchess of York awkwardly flirted with chef Marcus Bean, before probing Cliff Richard on his connection to Elvis – if Holly Willoughby’s exit hadn’t already sealed the fate of the show, this cringey performance certainly did!

In a particularly jarring segment, the Duchess of York stepped in as agony aunt to offer relationship advice, putting out a call for woes about “first dates, proposals” or “bringing the magic back.”

She then got a call from a woman who called herself Suzanne, who was seeking guidance on how to make more time for her husband amid work and caring for their children.

Now, you may think that someone who has had children and has to keep on top of a busy schedule may be somewhat adept at responding to this. But instead of offering hard-hitting advice on the issue, Fergie told Suzanne to go purchase some “saucy underwear” and take her man “out on a treat.”

“You pop down and get a lovely saucy underwear department in your chest of drawers and you really make the hair, you know, blow dry the hair and take him out on a treat,” she suggested. “It needs to be more treats that he’s lost for words.”

And how would Suzanne arrange all of this when she has kids in tow? Splurge on childcare, of course. “So you say to him, ‘Don’t worry tonight darling, we are gonna pop off somewhere’ and you’ve arranged the whole thing and it’s all organised,” Fergie explained, in the distinct tone of someone who had royal nannies at their disposal when her daughters were young.

In Fergie’s defense, she isn’t a trained presenter, she was put on the spot and likely didn’t screen the questions that far ahead of the segment. But telling a woman that she should don lingerie to spice up her marriage in 2023 is… laughable. 

Not only is it a dreary, overused antidote prescribed by older generations, it is a method that puts the onus on the woman (as per). Yes, it was a female caller asking about how to carve out more time for her husband, but why should poor Suzanne have the sole pressure of saving her relationship? And by using her body? If I were Suzanne, I’d be asking my husband to help out more in order to free up my time alone with him, but that’s just me.

Time and again, women are told to be performative. That they have to use their sexuality to appease men. Are men really so basic that a bit of lace and satin dispels all their worries and concerns? If they are complaining of not spending time with their wife or partner, is sex really the only solution to intimacy problems?

According to psychotherapist Jade Thomas, the best way to make your partner feel more included and seen is to speak with them to find out what they need and want from you. 

“In a healthy relationship, both partners should have equal responsibility, but sometimes this balance may shift and one person may need to shoulder more of the load,” she says.

“Discussing how to attempt to make that work while balancing other responsibilities is usually a good place to start. For example, it might be that your partner does want or value more intimate times together, or actually they might value quality and meaningful conversations together or engaging in hobbies together.” 

She concludes: “You won’t know how you can make more time for them without asking.”

While Fergie’s advice might seem harmless and, well, a bit fuddy-duddy, her message is potentially harmful – especially given the show attracts around 90,000 viewers each day. To have someone with such influence utter the words “saucy underwear” in response to someone’s genuine concern about their marriage not only belittles the issues they are facing, it sends us back to the 1950s.

Call me a raging feminist, but I don’t think the world’s problems can be fixed with a bit of Agent Provocateur.