Unlucky to the last: The moment Rishi Sunak threw in the towel

It was a desolate-looking Rishi Sunak who stepped gingerly on stage at the count at Richmond, North Yorkshire. Unknown to the crowds, he had already called Sir Keir Starmer to concede defeat.

He exchanged haunted glances with his wife, Akshata. You could feel their pain as the Richmond and Northallerton results were read out… confirming they faced five more years in drizzly Yorkshire and on the opposition benches at Westminster. Sunak confirmed he would be staying for “months and years ahead”. There goes the new life in sunny Santa Monica.

His speech was dignified: “The Labour Party has won the election … there is much to learn and reflect on.” Yup, a record 250 seats lost, 44 ministers out on their ears, 12 of them cabinet level, is an awful lot to reflect on.

But the man who started his doomed election with a drenching outside No 10 (and ended it with a mea culpa farewell speech while Akshata stood behind him with a brolly) was as unlucky as ever. Behind him, prankster candidate Marco Omilana unfurled a sign with a big “L” on it. L for Loser, or L for Learner? Actually, either would be appropriate.

Then it was on the plane to London, a duty visit to thank the team at Tory campaign headquarters, hounded by shouts of “loser” from the street outside, and back to No 10 to arrange his brief trip to see the King. Of course, it was raining again.

After weeks of rigid discipline, Sir Keir Starmer finally loosened up a bit at his own count in north London. He let his eyebrows off the leash, raising them comically to someone in the crowd. The incoming prime minister looked slightly dizzied by the scale of his triumph.

Sticking to the Tony Blair playbook to the very end, Starmer arrived at a Labour victory rally by the Thames exactly as daylight was emerging. Updating Blair’s “a new dawn has broken, has it not?” soundbite, he spoke of the “sunlight of hope, pale at first, getting stronger through the day”.

Across the country, mayors bedecked in Austin Powers frills and cuffs were reading out astonishing numbers and unleashing extraordinary dramas. Nigel Farage was beaming in Clacton. Jeremy Corbyn clobbered the party he once led – but was as grumpy in TV interviews as if he had lost. George Galloway did a runner from the count at Rochdale when it was clear he was losing to local hero Paul Waugh.

This general election was more akin to a series of crazy by-elections, such were the chaotic swings and dramas played out.

Ed Davey was singing “Sweet Caroline” at the Lib Dem celebration. “We’re really humbled,” Lib Dem deputy leader Daisy Cooper told the BBC, looking anything but.

You wait 27 years for another Portillo moment and then a dozen come at once. Grant Shapps was the first of 12 cabinet victims.

The defence secretary took it on the chin and solemnly unfolded a speech advising his party to stop its “endless political soap opera”. He’d clearly spent a long time on it, and it suddenly dawned that Shapps had originally penned these same lines to signal a leadership bid.

Jacob Rees-Mogg did a fair impression of Charles I on the scaffold, smiling through defeat. Penny Mordaunt, voice cracking, delivered more leadership advice that had been hastily rejigged into a valedictory. “Tonight, the Conservative Party has taken a battering because it failed to honour the trust that people have placed in it,” she said.

The biggest scalp was the last to go. But where was Liz Truss? Seven baffled candidates for Norfolk South West stood on stage, peering left and right for a sighting of the missing former prime minister.

But Liz was awol just as the result was due to be read out. Minutes ticked by. A slow handclap started. Still no Liz.

Had the 49-day prime minister and economy crasher secretly left for London to be revealed as a Labour agent all along? It would explain a lot. Or was the Ten Years to Save the West author sobbing in the loos?

The latter seemed likely: it was soon confirmed that Truss was toast. A majority of more than 26,000, wiped out.

At 6.47am Truss finally emerged, staring ahead, blinking, to hear the news, then fled off stage without making a speech to thank election staff. Some called it “a Portillo moment” but that would be unfair to the defeated Enfield Southgate candidate who made a generous speech congratulating Stephen Twigg. No one could call him a bad loser, unlike Truss.

Of all the speeches, the most important happened at 2am. Rachel Reeves, after the usual campaign riffs about turning the page, added something rather different to the script. “But I know the road ahead will not be easy,” she said. “We are under no illusions.”

Coming from the woman who understands the public finances, it was a sober warning to Labour supporters to enjoy their champagne moment while they can. Tomorrow, the grim realities of government begin.