The answer to the Prince Andrew conundrum is very clear

Gosh, it’s like the party planning nightmare from hell. Not even the Middleton family business could come up with the solutions to this minor mess.

The coronation of HM King Charles III is said to be in chaos. Which, given everything else going on in his realm right now, would seem entirely right and fitting. Still embarrassing, though.

For a country that’s basically given up on making a living in the world, is set on becoming a Ruritanian museum piece and has always proved itself on the quality of its pomp, ballsing up a coronation is the ultimate failure.

Yet disarray abounds. When will the ladies put their tiaras on? How can they prevent Charles, 75 on his next birthday, from tripping over his heavy robes in front of 100 million people? What if the notoriously rickety state coach rattles out a royal filling? The courtiers don’t even know if Prince Harry and the Duchess of Sussex are turning up.

More substantively, they don’t seem to have decided if the ancient rites can be “paused” while prayers are said by, and on behalf of, other faiths during the otherwise Christian service (though the biggest group in Britain, the atheists, certainly won’t get a word in).

Will the King find some way to make himself “defender of faith”, informally, as well as “Defender of the Faith”? Will the sacred moment of “organic” anointing oil being dribbled onto his torso be televised? What does the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby (for it is his gig), think?

So many questions, so little time. The King, about to be crowned as head of state of 15 nations, head of the Commonwealth, confirmed as governor of the Church of England and blessed by the Almighty, doesn’t seem to have that much say in his own coronation; but one thing he can sort out is his brother Prince Andrew.

However “woke” the ceremonials turn out to be – and the King will surely want to reflect his multicultural, multifaith and multiracial kingdom – he should ensure that the Duke of York will not be a prominent feature of the proceedings. The old “too loyal, if anything” friend of Jeffrey Epstein was spotted ambling behind the King and Camilla at the Easter Sunday service, accompanied by talk of “rehabilitation”. Too soon, surely.

It doesn’t matter much in the great scheme of things – Britain has rather bigger challenges to worry about than what outfit Andrew wears to his brother’s big day – but as a ceremonial that’s supposed to be inclusive and popular, having the Duke of York turn up in his fancy robes as a knight of the Order of the Garter isn’t going to be the best idea for lowering his profile.

It’s been mooted that this would be suitable, given that he can no longer dress up as a Gilbert and Sullivan-style “Ruler of the King’s Navee”. He’d be seen wearing a big floppy hat topped off with an ostrich feather and wearing a vestigial garter around his leg, a symbol of the chivalry the 14th-century order is dedicated to. Chivalry? It hardly seems appropriate, given the prince’s past associations and that court case in New York he had to deal with.

The answer to the Andrew conundrum is very clear. Not having him there at all would create a story, and one that distracts from an important national occasion. But neither should Andrew be given the status he’d normally expect. So it’s civvies for him, and a place a few rows back, probably squashed between Ed Miliband and Therese Coffey, behind the biggest pillar that Westminster Abbey has to offer and a massive bouquet of British wildflowers strategically placed to obscure the Yorks’ camera line.

There’s not enough time to properly, morally, rehabilitate the King’s troublesome brother between now and coronation day, but afterwards, once Andrew’s been moved out of his present grand home at Royal Lodge, some regal advice can be offered by the King about Andrew showing some contrition and devoting himself to genuinely good works – for the sake of the reputation of the monarchy.

Until then, Andrew must live a comfortable but twilight existence.