Why is no one talking about the effects of pregnancy?

After giving birth to my son, I suffered from pancreatitis and cholecystitis – it was severe and life threatening. Gallstones caused it, and the ordeal resulted in me being admitted to hospital for a week and later having my gallbladder removed. Thankfully, I’m here to tell the tale.

But you probably hadn’t heard about the correlation between gallstones and pregnancy until now. I didn’t know, and nor did those around me, that my near-fatal condition could be caused by being pregnant. And that’s no wonder, because no one is talking about it.

It seems unbelievable that, although everyone on this planet came from a pregnancy, there is such a great taboo surrounding the topic. Women are often expected to shoulder the job alone, without big networks of support, confiding only with one or two people. Because there’s a lie that’s festered for years in our society, and it’s harmful: that pregnancy is all roses, love hearts and smiles. “You’re glowing,” they say.

So, in keeping with their historic role, women are encouraged to stay silent and obedient in their suffering. And when pregnancy is talked about, it’s through the siloed category of “women’s health”: a phrase often used to describe a huge range of issues. I think it needs a rebrand as “people’s health”. Everyone needs to understand pregnancy. Not just women.

Aside from the physical, women also deal with a range of mental and emotional changes after giving birth. But instead of having frank conversations, women are praised for “snapping back” or being “so strong” for “taking it in their stride”. This sounds nice on the surface, but it can put pressure on others to do the same, and therefore creates a hostile environment for sharing honest pregnancy and post-pregnancy stories.

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Nine months is a long time, and to see one’s body change day to day, week to week, is an incredible blessing – but there’s no doubt that it’s tough. It can even be traumatising. Being a parent is a gift, but just because the child is out does not mean the effects of the pregnancy are over. So while it’s understandable that we are encouraged to see the positives in life, it’s important to acknowledge the negatives too, especially when they affect so many people.

Post-natal depression is real, and so is postnatal euphoria. Often termed the “baby pinks”, it’s a condition that causes the parent to experience extreme highs and surges of energy that can be just as dangerous as the former. Hadn’t heard of that either, had you?

It’s not all doom and gloom, though. Nowadays there are organisations, like The Positive Birth Company, that support people through their pregnancies, offering resources on the birth itself, as well as guidance for afterwards.

We are in a better position compared with our parents and grandparents, but more needs to be done. Breastfeeding in public, talking without shame about our new bodies, venting about our childcare frustrations and sharing our anxieties are crucial to breaking the silence for good.