Reclining in your plane seat is not a natural right – get some manners and seek permission first

Recline or not to recline, that is the question? Or it may have been if Shakespeare ever had his in-flight meal fall on his lap by the sudden violent shift of an airline seat.

The slightly frivolous debate has gone into overdrive in the last few days after a video started doing the rounds on social media showing a man repeatedly punching the back of another passenger's chair after she reclined it. There appeared no middle ground, you're either in the "life is unfair" camp who believe that "everyone has a right to recline", or you believed the practice "should be banned".

I'm not as strident as that, I know there are plenty of medical, or just pure comfort reasons that people want to stretch out. If you are one of those passengers who just does it because they can – you will get your comeuppance in another life. The sensible thing, as any passenger will know when their feet are firmly attached to terra firma, is to turn to the person behind you and ask if they mind if you push back your seat. Not the whole way, mind, anything that means they can't see their entertainment screen/eat comfortably off the tray/or crush their knees into the seat (delete as appropriate) is too far.

Equilibrium is the key, with both Simon Calder, this outlet's venerable travel correspondent and Ed Bastian, the CEO of Delta Air Lines having both suggested that asking and finding a middle ground is important. The issue is as soon as everyone hits 30,000 feet, that fair-minded attitude goes out the window. There is something about knowing that you are stuck (in economy at least) in the same position for multiple hours that brings out the worst in all of us. Not being able to do anything about who we are seating next to – and the amount of space they take up – we take solace in the fact we can push back.

Resentment is the first emotion most of us will feel on a plane – beyond any short-lived excitement. "Why is that person taking up the whole armrest?", "How have I only got this much legroom?" are the type of internal questions that leave us festering in our seat. The only outlet? Backwards. Out of sight, out of mind. But this chain of ill-feeling leads nowhere but the type of outbursts of passive-aggressive anger demonstrated in the video.

We have all done it (or maybe just me?) – somebody rammed their chair backwards on your previous so you automatically move your seat back thinking "I deserve this" setting off a domino effect of sliding seats that will eventually leave the poor passenger at the back of the plane with nowhere to go. So many innocent people trying to read books, or drink their coffees, are left disturbed – or drenched – because of one thoughtless action. Kicking or punching the chair in front, or worse, is something I would guess has run through almost every passenger's mind. An act of petulance that may offer short-term respite but will really only darken your mood.

In these fraught times, we all deserve better. A bit of kindness. Eight simple words – "Would you mind if I reclined my seat?" – offer a balm against in-flight rage, and might even leave you in a good enough mood on the ground to help your fellow passengers get their belongings out of the storage bins, rather than doing what you can to express your displeasure at a new-found, leg stretching enemy.

Ideally, we would all have no need to recline – I would find that bliss. But if you have to, make sure you speak to those behind you and only recline part way. You have a moral duty. And that is the moderately-sized, sensible hill that I am prepared to die on.