Only connect: hoi polloi, Dracula, the Reichstag, kudos . . .

Miles Kington
Tuesday 25 May 1993 18:02 EDT
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TEN PLURAL nouns that you never see used in the singular:

Stigmata

Media

Trivia

Minutiae

Odds and sods

Et cetera

Confetti

Impedimenta

Hoi polloi

Fauna

Ten examples of ways in which, even in this decadent age, we still trust each other:

The way we leave our photos unguarded in the little slot outside passport photo machines and come back later to collect them.

The way we assume that no one else will consume our pre-ordered interval drinks at the theatre before we get there.

The way we leave our seats empty on the train while we go to the buffet, not to mention abandoning all our personal belongings, too.

The way restaurants don't mind leaving bags of prepared and pre- chipped potatoes outside their premises for hours on end.

The way we leave our milk outside our own homes.

The way we allow someone to put our names and numbers in the phone book.

The way we assume that the car coming the other way will not run into us.

The way we ask strangers to tell us the time, the way, etc.

The way we pay supermarket bills without ever checking the addition.

The way we assume that food served in a restaurant has also been cooked in that same restaurant.

Ten film titles that are also complete sentences:

One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest

The Lady Vanishes

Some Like It Hot

The Postman Always Rings Twice

Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf?

Meet Me In St Louis

Shoot The Pianist

They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

I Was A Refugee From A Chain Gang

The Sun Also Rises

Ten words in English that are generally avoided because they may be mistaken for similar words:

Sects

Cents

Relicts

Facts

Coccyx

Euphuistic

Diuretic

Pharynx

Uranus

Doge

Ten one-hit wonder authors (try naming any other book by them, apart from the one in brackets):

Edward Gibbon (The History Of The Decline and Fall of The Roman Empire)

Somerville and Ross (Irish RM etc)

George and Weedon Grossmith (The Diary Of A Nobody)

Dr Johnson (his dictionary)

Margaret Mitchell (Gone with the Wind)

Chaucer (The Canterbury Tales)

Marcel Proust (A La Recherche du Temps Perdu)

Pierre Choderlos de Laclos (Les Liaisons Dangereuses)

Mary Shelley (Frankenstein)

Bram Stoker (Dracula)

Ten nouns the British are never quite sure are singular or plural:

Data

Agenda

Innings

Series

Kudos

Spaghetti

The Government

The media

Debris

Digs

Ten easy formulae used by the British to make something into a joke, or to reinforce a joke:

'Allegedly . . .'

'He has done for . . . what . . . did for . . .'

'Politically he is somewhere to the right of . . .'

'. . . As the bishop said to the actress.'

'That's the story of my life]'

'Chance would be a fine thing]'

'I bet you say that to all the girls]'

'Say no more . . .'

'I'll believe you - thousands wouldn't]'

'Kiss me, Hardy]'

Ten things that became famous for being burnt:

London

Alfred the Great's cakes

Joan of Arc

The Reichstag

Tara

Windsor Castle

The King of Spain's beard

The White House

Tyger, tyger

The Ashes

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