I’m an empathy expert – here’s what I can tell you about Love is Blind

The hit Netflix series Love is Blind has returned. For some it is unmissable entertainment, for others it may be trashy TV thinly disguised as a social experiment, but it undeniably raises some interesting questions... about ourselves.

What can we learn? Well, primarily, how to get rid of the preconceptions and biases we all carry. And if we can do that, then we might find true connection; even love.

I’m an empathy expert and I’m so interested in the way our ideas about someone can be proved wrong that I started a podcast featuring completely anonymous guests, similar to the Love is Blind experiment. People’s reactions when I told them about it fascinated me. Everyone told me it was a crazy idea.

How will you ever find anyone interesting to go on if they can’t promote themselves? (they said). How will you gain thousands of new listeners if you can’t tag your guests and ask them to share it on social media? Will people be able to understand it properly if you take away their ability to judge the person talking? How will they even be able to tell if they like them?

But here’s the thing: the beauty of taking away someone’s name or identity (on TV or on a podcast) is that it forces us to focus on who the person really is. It helps us build real, authentic connection with each other. We already know that prolonged loneliness is as bad for us as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. It’s this simple: by listening to each other, we can feel less lonely.

And that’s why I think Love is Blind is such a groundbreaking idea: because anonymity disrupts every existing bias we have (and we all have them, believe me). It helps us to only hear the story and not see the barriers. We don’t see each other’s differences and we are more likely to look for similarity.

Anonymity helps us connect with those who are less like us.

I also know that someone’s name or public identity is somehow more important than it should be. I’ve lived right across Asia and Africa for nearly 20 years: in many countries, your name carries a heavy weight it can be impossible to shrug off. It can be stereotyped. You might be more – or less – likely to get accepted into school, the local sports club or even a new job because of it. So if you don’t want to be judged, take it away.

Removing “key” information – like what someone looks like – on a dating show might sound crazy, even counter-intutitive, but it’s the exact opposite. It stops us being swayed by stereotypes. It helps us understand “the other”. It actually enhances diversity and inclusion. It helps us to actively listen to each other and really hear what is being said, versus what we think is being said.

Anonymity has been given a bad rap, perhaps because of social media. It’s as if staying anonymous makes you “weak” or “shameful” somehow.

But I think that if we shrug off the confines of “who” we are, we could learn something profound about ourselves. It might even make us more empathic.

It’s no wonder that shows like Love is Blind are attempting to level the playing field and remind us of our common humanity.

We don’t need to cling to a visually-segregated world. We can actively create more social cohesion and reduce loneliness when we let go of what we think defines us.

We could learn a lot from Love is Blind. And we don’t need to go on primetime TV to put it into direct action in our own lives. Stop judging – and start listening.

Mimi Nicklin is an empathy expert, host of The Mimi YouYou podcast and best-selling author of Softeningthe Edge. Follow her on social media.