See that door? Quit this scene – you’re not a dancing queen, Theresa May

Wednesday night and the polls are low
Tinfoil Theresa don't know where to go

Now you’re facing the music
Conference members want you to swing
They prefix your name with “king”

Any bum could be that guy
The mood is dark and the stakes are high

No one know’s what they’re doing
Boris, Jacob, Sajid and such
You've led all a merry dance
But now it's your last chance

You’re not the dancing queen
Two left leopard print feet
Dressed more for Halloween
Dancing queen
Only if taught by Frankenstein, oh dear

You can’t dance
You cause strife
Screwing up everyone's life

Ooh, see that door
Quit this scene
Get out, fake dancing queen!

(With apologies to Abba, then again, after the Mamma Mia franchise, they owe me one!)

Mark Boyle
Renfrewshire

There are times these days when I am seriously concerned about the sanity of some politicians. Do the Conservatives really have a death wish? In the Bible, Jesus says that a house divided shall not stand. In 1843, Abraham Lincoln used this well known phrase when discussing the slave problem in the States. The current civil war in the Conservative Party, if continued for much longer, will almost certainly guarantee the Labour Party a win at the next general election.

The Greek author Aesop wrote a story called, The Four Oxen and the Lion, in which one of the oxen says, “United we stand, divided we fall”.

The plot is quite simple, as long as the oxen work as a team, they will not be eaten. However, when they start to operate on their own they are all eventually eaten by the lion. Aesop lived between 620BC and 564BC. It would appear that the oxen of those days had as much sense then as the Conservative Party has today. At boarding school, it was impressed on us that if we were chosen for a team, whether football or cricket, we did our best and followed the instructions of our captain. Any member of the team who failed to follow instructions and went his own way, was quickly removed.

It was also drilled into us that loyalty was an essential commodity for any team member. Obviously, we are living in very different times, but rather like the force of gravity, some principles never change!

Colin Bower
Nottingham

There’s not much of a choice for the Tories. Increasingly it seems they can either keep Theresa May – stupid and stubborn – or go for someone we already know is venal and disastrous – Boris Johnson.

The queues to hear Johnson’s latest jingoistic rabble-rousing ramblings at Tory party conference tell us only one thing – an exhibitionist can always pull a crowd.

However, there are things the political establishment can sweep under the carpet for a mayor of London or even – it transpires – a foreign secretary, that the rest of us will not put up with if that person reaches the highest office in the land.

So, should the blond blob with the runaway gob, Eton Mess personified, manage to claw his way to the top – look out for a Trump-style spotlight on racism and FBI style investigations into possible corruptions.

Like Trump, I suspect Johnson would also be an international laughing stock – he made inroads into that as foreign secretary. On this side of the pond we’re not really so interested in rumours about wives and mistresses other than thinking they must have very strong stomachs.

Amanda Baker
Edinburgh

I read with interest about the recent vote to change the name of Macedonia. This is a country not even in the EU yet but in typical EU fashion it is looking to tear up the democratic decision of its people!

To change the country’s name, (and therefore move towards joining the EU and Nato), a majority in a referendum was required, on the basis of a 50 per cent turnout. The opposition therefore called for a boycott, and only 35 per cent turned out to vote.

Yet, despite this, the country’s leaders want to go ahead anyway, in clear contravention of the rules.

This is what we have seen time after time with the EU, and indeed what we are seeing with our own referendum result here in the UK.

If the EU does not get the decision it craves, it simply rips up the democratic rule book and starts again!

Jonathan Bullock, MEP for the East Midlands
Address supplied

What an interesting scenario we now have: the Conservatives and Ulster Unionists determined to protect their precious union of the UK and Northern Ireland, with an equally stubborn European Union safeguarding their ‘’precious union’’.

Are we about to witness what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object? Maybe Arlene Foster’s ‘’blood red lines’’ are about to become a reality.

Liam Power
Dundalk, Ireland

I wonder how many of your readers appreciate that it is our freedom of movement, not just freedom for other EU workers to come to the UK, that the prime minister has decided to trash. Up to now we British have all had the freedom to live, work, even retire (if we can support ourselves) in any EU state; over a million Brits are doing just that. If recession bites here but not all across Europe, our opportunities to work a spell abroad (as portrayed in the Eighties comedy-drama Auf Wiedersehen, Pet) will have been curtailed – and we must not forget it was the Tories that gave us 3 million unemployed back then.

In future, if a British person has a dream of retirement on the Med, say, permission to move – or stay – they will be subject to the circumstances of that country. It is all very well for the fanatical Brexiteer to say: “Spain would never kick its British OAPs out, they bring in too much money.” But as demographics change and politicians rise and fall it is quite foreseeable that someone might declare “the Brits must go home, we have quite enough of our own old people with too few care workers to go round”.

Rest assured, the politicians who are blithely giving away our freedoms will never suffer the consequences themselves as their generous retirement packages and opportunities for consultancies will shield them from the real world you and I inhabit.

Dr John Bailey
Address supplied