Letter: Women's 'responsibility' for being attacked
Your support helps us to tell the story
From reproductive rights to climate change to Big Tech, The Independent is on the ground when the story is developing. Whether it's investigating the financials of Elon Musk's pro-Trump PAC or producing our latest documentary, 'The A Word', which shines a light on the American women fighting for reproductive rights, we know how important it is to parse out the facts from the messaging.
At such a critical moment in US history, we need reporters on the ground. Your donation allows us to keep sending journalists to speak to both sides of the story.
The Independent is trusted by Americans across the entire political spectrum. And unlike many other quality news outlets, we choose not to lock Americans out of our reporting and analysis with paywalls. We believe quality journalism should be available to everyone, paid for by those who can afford it.
Your support makes all the difference.Sir: Some years ago, I was on a date with a man I quite fancied. I got drunk with him at a party, I went into a room alone with him. We began kissing. When his kissing began to get aggressive I tried to push him off. He forced himself on me. Afterwards he apologised for 'getting carried away'.
What happened to me was rape. It was not the brutal attack Angela Lambert recognises as 'real rape' ('Faced with the sober truth, is it really rape?', 23 August). But it was physical coercion all the same. I didn't call out at the time or tell anyone about it for years afterwards precisely because I told myself that I'd led him on, I'd invited the attack by letting him touch me. Besides, 'rape' was something that was perpetrated on women by strangers in dark alleys, not by someone you knew, let alone someone you fancied. That was in 1977.
I still feel the effects of having been date-raped. It is galling that Ms Lambert should tell me that all it takes is a 'sense of proportion' to get over it, and to imply that there is anything other than 'unprovoked rape'.
I do not now accept that I 'provoked' what was done to me. There are all sorts of stages of physical contact between a handshake and going to bed together. Who says if a woman wants to be kissed or caressed she is then obliged to have sex?
It upsets me greatly that Ms Lambert still thinks women are in some way to blame for man's sexual aggression. No matter how poor our judgement, how dolled-up or short-skirted we are, there is no circumstance in which a man forcing himself on a woman is justifiable or deserved.
I take responsibility for getting drunk and going into a room alone with a man. I take responsibility for acting on my attraction to him. His decision to rape me was not my responsibility: that was his alone.
Yours faithfully,
D. BERRY
London, WC1
The writer is using a pseudonym.
Join our commenting forum
Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies
Comments