CLAIRE Tomalin is being far too nice. This is what you do. First, you decide exactly where the nuisance is coming from. Second, you point a loudspeaker in that direction. Third, you play your favourite classical music as loud as you want. Imagine you're in a concert hall: make it that loud. Choose something that any dingleberry will realise has something to do with passion, mayhem and death, say Don Giovanni or 'Master Peter's Puppet Show'.
Listen for a while and enjoy it, and then, if you don't want to be too selfish, turn it off. You will find that the thump-thump has stopped. And afterwards it's your opponent, not you, who is embarrassed. It works every time.
Gordon Gwilliams
London E2
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