As the ‘first gay royal’, I owe everything to those who struggled for LGBT acceptance

The journey to attending my first Gay Pride event, where I found myself proudly waving a rainbow flag as I marched behind an enormous rainbow tractor (gloriously named Sassy Ferguson for the day) began many years ago, at a time when such a public display would have been deemed unimaginable in my social circles.

I always knew that I liked boys more than girls, being born at a time when homosexuality was illegal and far from normalised. I simply buried it and got on with my life. In many ways not having a father (he died when I was seven) or indeed any dominant male figure in my life, together with a protective older brother, meant that as a young gay child I never sought the need to be validated by anyone. Nor, conversely, did I experience the cruelty and pain of invalidation which leaves so many young people with crippling insecurities as they mature.

I fell in love with Penny, and we married in 1994. I had decided that I would never enter such a union without full disclosure and so when we discussed my sexuality, I was heartened by her understanding and acceptance. Seventeen years and three beautiful daughters later, we sadly divorced.

Living alone in a large house isn’t something I’d recommend. I soon realised that I had to be true to myself and eschew the straight life, regardless of the consequences, and tentatively dipped a toe into the gay dating world. Early on, and while still firmly in the closet, a nice chap wanted to get more serious. Sensing my trepidation he left things and said “when you meet the right chap, you’ll be ready to come out”. Not long after that I met James during a ski trip to Verbier.

My coming out experience was a lot less traumatic than many who have gone before me. James for example had a miserable time. Coming as he did from a strict Catholic family, he experienced all manner of rejection, bullying and abuse.

That said, having the world’s press shine a huge spotlight on me overnight proclaiming me “The First Gay Royal” was nonetheless pretty alarming. The reaction of my friends and family concerned me a lot, and I wondered if my world would suddenly collapse around me.

My fears were of course unfounded. Absolutely everyone was incredibly supportive, and it soon became clear that in the scheme of things, your sexuality is of no significance to others. In my case, it’s fair to say that once I had made that very public leap out of the closet, I wondered what all the fuss was about.

Which brings me back to Sassy.

Agrespect is an LGBTQ+ network representing rural farming communities. I found them on Instagram, and was impressed by their enthusiastic vision of inclusion and diversity in rural communities. Having made contact, I felt they were an ideal bunch of people to get involved with.

They kindly invited us to join them at Brighton Pride 2019. I am always up for an adventure, but James is a lot more conservative than me and true to type was horrified at the thought of parading up and down a street anywhere, point blank refusing to join in.

Right from the start the atmosphere was one of joy, good humour and fraternity. Just as the march began to move, I felt a tug on my sleeve… and there was James! There he was, with a huge grin on his face, holding his hand out. Off we went and before long I was laughing uncontrollably at the sight of a delighted James high fiving the crowds!

I realise that my coming out has been relatively easy. The world has come a long way in terms of acceptance. To those who have suffered and indeed still suffer prejudice, persecution and even live under the threat of a death sentence, I am humbled and in gratitude to them. For them, I will continue to raise my rainbow flag with pride.

To that end I am hosting our first gay event here at my home, Bridwell Park, in August. “Queer Spirit” is a four-day festival that celebrates all things Queer. My daughters are frightfully excited; I perhaps can’t say the same for the village, where a number of feather (boas) may have been ruffled!

Lord Ivar Mountbatten is a member of the UK royal family. Tickets for the Queer Spirit event can be found here