I couldn’t afford my insulin — so I became a financial dominatrix

When you hear the term ‘sex worker’, who do you think of? Does your brain automatically associate the term with scantily-clad women on the street corner or loose women who need to be saved? Do you think of strippers? Do you think of women who lack a moral compass and a college degree shaking all they have?

If so, allow me to be the sex worker nextdoor. Hi, I’m Victoria, also known as “Vivienne”. I have a degree in politics and human rights. I’m a journalist, opinion writer, and a financial and lifestyle dominatrix. The fact that I am a sex worker doesn’t invalidate my intelligence, accomplishments, or work. Sex workers are not a caricature of hypersexuality — we’re the everyday people around you.

I am not seen as the “typical candidate” to become a sex worker by society, but I was a survival sex worker all the same. I was 21, in college, and already accepting financial help from my loved ones when I realized I was in a bind as the job market for women in journalism isn’t exactly promising. As a type one diabetic, I wasn’t able to afford food, bills, and medication with the money I had in the bank. I had heard of online financial domination a few years earlier, when a man on Tinder paid me to speak to him after a few weeks of ignoring his messages. I had nothing to lose and everything to gain, so I dove into it. I didn’t see much of an option: I had to get the medication and food I needed to survive.

In the year I’ve been in the industry, I’ve learned a lot about myself, my values, goals, and interests. My mom knows. I’ve become a better, more emotionally intelligent person. I understand men in a way I never have before, which makes me a better romantic partner. I’m debt-free and financially secure at 22, which is a gift in and of itself during a catastrophic pandemic.

What I found through sex work, in addition to the money I needed to survive, was a community unlike any other I had been in before, and five best friends. In kink and through BDSM, people are allowed to be their most true and authentic selves, free of judgment or obligations that trail them in everyday life. While the idea of a money fetish may seem odd to some, financial domination is the ultimate power exchange. To forgo luxury and give the literal fruits of your labor — your income — to someone who you value and enjoy being in the presence of is a wonderfully intimate experience, even if that might sound strange to some.

Money has its own sexual energy — we eroticize the security it gives, and we value wealth and security in our partners. FinDom takes that a step further and allows admirers to give something tangible and real to their dommes: wealth.

There’s a social stigma attached to young women who seek out elderly partners to benefit financially — so-called “gold diggers” — but why are the women criticized for seeking out these partners and not the men, who are wielding financial security to create unequal relationships? Frankly, because patriarchy and its toxic values are so deeply entrenched in our perception of what women should do, be, and even look like.

Financial domination is what happens when women realize their value to men and attach a price tag to access. It’s a reversal of that power imbalance that has been weaponized against women for generations. Weaponizing femininity is a result of oppression and I won’t apologize for using “what my mama gave me” in an uncertain economy.

I never planned on writing about my sex work — until I was subjected to targeted harassment. A disgruntled submissive was encouraged by their dominatrix to find my personal information and publish it, repeatedly, with the intention of ruining my career in journalism. But I’m not ashamed to be a sex worker. It’s simply another job, a particularly lucrative one that I enjoy, and one I want to de-stigmatize.

Some people have told me financial domination is “immoral”, but I don’t see anything wrong with taking from men in a consensual power exchange where both parties benefit. Those outside of the kink often call financial dominatrixes leeches or manipulative while failing to understand that this is a conscious choice, and calling our submissives “crazy” devalues the fact that the men and women who choose and consent to send are of sound mind. Our submissives aren’t forced into it — they’re equal participants who seek us out for personal, mutual enjoyment. When you’re practicing risk-aware consensual kink, there’s no harm done.