Women don’t need tips on good sex – men do

Holly Willoughby wants us to talk about orgasms. So does Yewande Biala. And Cara Delevingne. And Gwyneth Paltrow. And Michelle Buteau. And just about every other person in the public eye with a vagina. At least, that’s how it felt when Willoughby made headlines for a blog post about how “orgasm anxiety” is holding women back from enjoying sex.

Despite the fact she didn’t write the blog post herself, the This Morning presenter seems to be the latest in a long line of female celebrities taking on the noble pursuit of educating us about orgasms. In recent years, there have been countless documentaries on the subject, with models, actors and reality TV stars all eager to tell us about the fact that – guess what! – the majority of women find it hard to orgasm from sex. But you probably know that by now.

How could you not, when the same statistics are presented to us over and over again in each of these documentaries. Titled “the orgasm gap”, the term refers to a 2018 study from the Archives of Sexual Behavior that looked at the sex lives of over 52,500 adults in the US. The study found that while 95 per cent of heterosexual men reported they usually or always orgasmed during sex, only 65 per cent of heterosexual women said the same. Mention this figure to any straight woman you know and they’ll probably tell you it’s even less than that.

The thing is, we’ve heard these figures before. Countless times. And we’re about to hear them again thanks to Love Island’s Biala, who is fronting a new documentary for Channel 4 titled Secrets of the Female Orgasm. The title, one can only assume, is ironic – because are there any secrets left to learn? Perhaps there are if you’re a straight man. But I’m fairly certain most of us already know a fair bit, if not from our own experiences then from the countless documentaries on the subject.

The twist this time around is that Biala has never had an orgasm herself. But even this feels off somehow. Like it’s capitalising on her vulnerability to educate the nation about subjects we’re already pretty educated on. How likely is it that the ones who are less educated are going to watch it at all? Would a group of straight men really sit down to watch a show about women’s bodies hosted by a woman? And are these shows actually teaching women anything new?

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a noble pursuit. And female sexuality has for far too long been shrouded in shame, so it’s a net positive to see so many shows putting the subject front and centre. But I’m not sure we’re really progressing anything when we keep churning out the same issues, mentioning the same research, and trialling out the same sex toys, only with a different female presenter each time.

I think the filmmakers know this. How could they not, when they’re all regurgitating facts and figures from the same echo chamber? It’s hard not to be sceptical. Are any of these shows actually trying to provoke meaningful change? Or raise awareness and start interesting conversations? Or are they simply tapping into what they know is a hot topic, and trying to get a piece of the pie? It may be a cliche, but sex really does sell.

It might sound counterproductive, but I think we need to tailor these shows to men as much as we tailor them to women, if not more. We know that we need to prioritise our own pleasure. Trust us. It’s the men we’re sleeping with that could do with learning a thing or two.

Let’s see a male presenter learning about the reasons why female orgasms are so complex. Let’s see them try to grapple with science behind it all. Surely it’s about time we gleaned something new from these kinds of shows. Otherwise, the endless rollout of them seems like little more than virtue signalling.