Donald Trump's 'awkward exchange' with Steve Cortes was so much more than that

President Trump held a rally in New Mexico yesterday evening. Like many in the country right now, and especially people from Hispanic backgrounds, I was a little nervous as he approached the stage. And it turns out that my nerves were justified.

I followed along with reports from New Mexico that came in from CNN political reporter and fact-checker Daniel Dale, during which the president had a number of exchanges with Dale's CNN colleague Steve Cortes, who sits on Trump’s Hispanic Advisory Council.

Dale reported that Trump said of Cortes: "He happens to be Hispanic, but I've never quite figured it out because he looks more like a WASP than I do, so I haven't figured that one out.” Trump then followed this with the question: "Who do you like more, the country or the Hispanics?"

When Cortes answered, "The country," Trump reportedly responded: "I don't know."

While Cortes has publicly announced that this dialogue was “awkward” and has proceeded to make excuses for this on his Twitter , I can tell you with confidence that when you know about our president’s stance on the southern border, this exchange definitely doesn’t count as an “awkward” moment. Instead, it is nothing less than a direct attack on a whole race of people — as well as emblematic of the struggle mixed-background Hispanics like me face daily.

Some might not understand the complexity that comes with being both white-looking and Hispanic in America. I acknowledge this as being a “superpower”, but also sometimes an Achille’s heel. There are clear benefits to having white skin, especially with the constant attacks on Hispanics and other people of color perpetrated by the current administration; however, it’s rarely that simple. For one thing, when you’re “half white” and “half” something else, you often find yourself corralled into “picking a side” — something which is as ridiculous as it is offensive.

The politics of my skin color are something that I’ve experienced my whole life. And last night, those two very pieces of my identity went directly to battle.

I was taught throughout my childhood that dark skin was bad: it was a sign of being poor, uneducated, less deserving. My white uncle’s support of MAGA during the 2016 election days was the culmination of decades of prejudice toward Hispanic people such as those on my father's side. This side of my family crossed the southern border during the Bath Riots in 1917 where Hispanics crossing at El Paso were doused with “cleansing” chemicals. Needless to say, no one can tell me that anti-Hispanic racism is anything new.

Being from these mixed backgrounds, I can tell you that it personally has taken me a long time to get to understand just how big this war is. My life experience made the comments yesterday hit that much harder and hit me to the very core of my shared identity. There is no answer to “Who do you like more, the country or the Hispanics?” because it isn’t a coherent or logical question.

People with mixed backgrounds like me are extremely common here in America. We are a nation that should be proud to be one people unified through our diverse identities. When we begin to ask what or who is “more important”, we begin to lose what makes this country America.

I know now — though I was taught so much to the contrary during my childhood — that there is no shame in being Hispanic. Generations have tried to insist this for over 100 years. We are a country that is fortunate enough to experience a wide breadth of diversity. It’s time to unlearn the false dichotomies.