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Your support makes all the difference.So much of what’s been happening to Daisy on Coronation Street has resonated with me, as I am a survivor of stalking.
Everything with my ex-partner started off in a way I thought was loving. He would constantly send me flowers and always tell me how much he loved being with me. When I look back now, I realise he wasn’t genuine – he was love-bombing me. When I started developing mutual feelings after a couple of months together, things changed – and his abuse and stalking began.
Every time I left the house, he would be there. At first, I thought it was a coincidence, but as it kept happening, I grew more and more concerned and confused. Even if I was going a short distance to my friend’s house at the end of the road, he would be there. I started trying to change my route to all the places I’d typically go, but he would manage to find me.
Things escalated one day after work. I was walking home, around half an hour later than I usually would be. He was on my road in a car, with three others who I didn’t recognise. He grabbed me and put me in his vehicle, drove around the corner and that’s when he attacked me – all for being later than I usually was.
It got to the point where I didn’t want to leave my house – I felt like I was under house arrest. All I could think was that the moment I left my house, he would turn up.
His stalking also involved harassing my friends and family. I was barely leaving the house – work had given me some time off at one point because they were worried about my safety – so he would message my friends and family, threatening to hurt them if they didn’t get me to go and speak to him. One night, when I was out with friends, he somehow managed to hack my mum’s phone number and send a call through so it flashed up with her name. When I heard his voice over the line I panicked. I was so afraid that he had hurt my mum trying to get to me.
Despite some people not understanding the dynamics of abuse and so cutting ties with me, I was really fortunate to have a best friend who I could confide in and who stuck by me even when she was being threatened by him.
What I found out later was that he’d managed to install a tracker onto my phone, so he had access to my location in real time. Even when I switched phones, he managed to do it again. The police helped me to secure another new device, which was when he finally couldn’t find out where I was.
I was very lucky that the police took what I was going through seriously, which I know isn’t the case for all survivors. When I reported what was going on, they helped by installing panic buttons in my house and hidden apps on my phone to alert them if I needed help. I would speak to a police officer every week and let them know about any contact he’d made. They offered me and my family lots of support and even spoke to us about moving house to try and keep him away from me.
Ultimately, I didn’t take the case any further. The police told me that he was wanted in connection with other crimes and assured me that he would be locked up, so that reassured me that he would keep well away.
It was hard to rebuild my life. For a long time afterwards, I would try to put the experience to the back of my mind and push down the feelings it left me with. It wasn’t until I started trying to date again that I realised the impact it had on my life. I still feel like I’m constantly looking over my shoulder. When I’m walking down the road I will talk to someone on the phone, and it haunts me if a car drives by slowly or someone walks past me on the street.
But I’m so much further along the path of healing now. At first, I was worried I’d never be able to go to the end of my street alone because I initially had panic attacks, but now I feel a lot more confident.
My message to anyone who sees part of their story in mine or in Daisy’s is to reach out for support. There are organisations who can help you and put protections in place. Speaking about my experience has been the best thing to help me come to terms with what happened, and to help me to move on.
To reach out for help and support, contact refuge.org.uk
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