War or no war, I refuse to be blackmailed

Now the most vicious of tactics are being used by the pro-war brigades to discredit those of us who still firmly believe – from left to right – that this war is immoral, illegal and dangerous. I got a taste on Question Time last week. As I walked in, people in the front rows were already hissing and hooting to undermine me. Geoff Hoon got massive applause immediately afterwards. Obviously delighted, he looked 10 years younger suddenly.

This was in London, a city with people of many colours, most against the war. But here, somehow, we had an almost white audience, various pro-war collectives (you can obviously get block bookings for the programme) – and not a single anti-war Muslim, black or Asian voice.

Now I think Question Time has become much better since it started to allow more assertive challenges from audience members – the old reverence has gone and an excellent thing too. Panellists should be able to deal with the cut and thrust of hot exchanges. But when it tips over into the Jerry Springer mode the programme loses its stature. I have seen this before when people booed Melanie Phillips and Ann Widdecombe (not my soul sisters), refusing to let them finish their points.

When this happens it gets to you, and it did to me. It didn't help that Charles Kennedy, who started off well enough, simply shifted his bum around on the fence leaving me alone to put the case against the war.

In the middle of my very first answer, a Kurdish lady launched herself at me. She says she is a victim of terrible torture, rape, and punishment by Saddam's inhumane forces. I had already watched her on several recent programmes. I said I was very sorry that she had suffered so much but that I was still anti-war. So she harangued, saying I was "clueless". Her husband has emailed me to say that his wife believes "not being willing to get rid of Saddam by any means necessary makes a person a Saddam supporter". I told her she was emotionally blackmailing me and, even though many people were outraged at this, I would say it again. Neither she nor the baying warmongers showed a flicker of pity for the dead and dying of Iraq. They were furious, however, that al-Jazeera – which rightly won an Index Against Censorship award last week – was showing footage of our dead soldiers.

Imagine the chief rabbi on a panel being berated by a Palestinian victim of the Israeli army or the US ambassador silenced by the shrieking pain of parents whose sons have been caged in Guantanamo Bay. Would people expect these two leading figures to surrender to the emotions, or would they too feel this was unacceptable blackmail?

The war is not going well. Most Iraqis have not rebelled and there is no overwhelming welcome for the troops. Allies are losing soldiers for an unjustified war; mounting civilian casualties will soar when they really raze Baghdad. They have not won the hearts and minds of millions around the world. This is a war by the US for the sinister cabal influencing the US government and the rest be damned. The action remains illegal, and condemned by the world's statesmen, including Mandela.

The pro-war side show no understanding that now Saddam will kill thousands more because we have unleashed chaos and he can always blame these deaths on our forces. They make dishonest assertions that "all Iraqis" want this war. Some do and some don't, but few are begging "yes please kill me and my babies so I can be free and thank you so much for that bag of flour and American flag". Why should they trust and love us after years of betrayal and sanctions which enabled Saddam to do his worst against his people? Where were these pro-war people when we were trying to highlight the suffering of Iraqis?

We could have armed the various Iraqi opposition groups, but we did not do so because we don't want a truly independent Iraq. When 5,000 young Iraqi exiles go back from Jordan to fight against the invasion, when enemies of Saddam say they see this as the new colonialism, we should take heed. Most Arabs are not brainless dupes who can be bought off even when they are suffering immeasurably.

Many of us who have taken a public stand against the war are now being demonised – in print, through private briefings and other means. John Reid is terrorising the BBC for being anti-war. I am being blacked and blocked – but since they can't say I am a worthless peacenik (I will always be grateful that the US took action against Milosevic) they say I am dangerous.

Last night I dreamt I was in the asylum in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest with Alastair Campbell coming at me with a syringe. Like I said, it is getting to me. But when the going gets tough the tough must keep talking – and I must do so with less obvious frustration than I did on Question Time.

y.alibhai-brown@independent.co.uk