Steve Jelbert: Nice one Liam! Bravo Charlotte! Where would pop be without you?

Last week saw a tragic loss for the nation. Many great British cultural icons have fallen in battles fought on the Continent and now, alongside Lord Byron and Saki, we can add two more – Liam Gallagher's front teeth. The Oasis frontman's latest ruck, in the unlikely surroundings of an upmarket Munich nightclub, might count as another predictable outrage involving the famously volatile singer. But so stage-managed are most pop careers these days their management would have called the paparazzi before the ambulances and police were dispatched. It's a necessary reminder of a time when pop stars were not only badly behaved, but expected to be such.

Throw in Charlotte Church's wobbly at Gatwick Airport (not to mention her response when asked to talk to fans after a show in Cincinnati: "Fuck this! I didn't agree to do no meet and greet") and Michael Jackson's bizarre (even for him) attempt to sacrifice a baby in front of a Berlin crowd and it's been a great few days for connoisseurs of celebrity madness.

That Byron comparison isn't quite as ridiculous as it seems (poetics excepted). Two hundred years ago wealthy young men did the Grand Tour, visiting the famous cultural sites of Europe, fighting the odd duel along the route, concluding in Naples for a dose of Roman artefacts and, well, a dose, before returning home to apply sulphur to their nether regions. Who today has time to tour the Continent, unhindered by responsibilities and financial worries, save for rock bands and their retinues?

And Gallagher is something of an aristocrat in his own way. Most people can't understand a word he's saying and he has no conception of the true value of money. For all I know, he eats with his mouth open too (though probably not for a few weeks). Nice middle-class bands from Genesis to Radiohead never seem to get involved so dramatically. When Pink Floyd fought bitterly they did it through their legal representatives.

Pop history is at least on his side. Look at his heroes. John Lennon was always up for a scrap when in drink, often with his closest friends. Led Zeppelin were so notorious for their on- the-road antics that Keith Moon's one-time factotum Richard Cole quit his post with the Who's famously deranged drummer to go and work for them. Years ago I made the mistake of flicking between Henry Hill's Wiseguys, the template for Scorsese's GoodFellas, and Hammer of the Gods, Stephen Davis's bestselling Zep biog. After a while I became convinced that Jimmy Page and John Bonham had had someone whacked after a night out watching Sammy Davis Jr at the Copa, before headlining Madison Square Garden (rock and true crime stories tend to have this unsettling effect).

It's not that Gallagher won't have seen it coming (trouble, that is, not the actual blow). For years Oasis have played up their yobbish side and, as their star has fallen in Britain, Europeans are now queueing up to have a pop. He should have taken on Robbie Williams in the boxing ring when the supposed challenge was offered. That would have been a safer and more popular outlet for his aggression.

Throughout music's history the stars have been at more risk from outside forces than themselves. Back in the Punk era, half of the Sex Pistols were rousted by monarchist thugs. A decade earlier the entire judiciary lined up to bring down those avatars of youthful rebellion, The Rolling Stones, a somewhat draconian response to drug use and public micturition. That's just an average Friday night for many young Britons today. Hiphop, as always, goes further. Recent allegations suggest the involvement of the actual business in the still unexplained murders of Tupac Shakur and Notorious BIG.

It's safer to keep the fighting in the family, with big brother Noel, in the best tradition of dysfunctional clan acts like The Kinks and The Beach Boys. That's what Ozzy Osbourne does, and after years of demonisation these days he gets to play for Her Maj. Perhaps she was seeking a few tips on how to achieve a miraculous rehabilitation in the eyes of the public.