My limerick response to Mike Read’s Ukip Calypso
Only another traditional verse form will do
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Your support makes all the difference.Listeners to the Today programme on Radio 4 will have woken with something of a jolt on Tuesday morning. Not to the soothing tones of a Naughtie or the resonance of a Humphrys, but to the sound of veteran disc jockey Mike Read, in a mock Caribbean accent, singing (sic) a calypso in support of Ukip. It includes the soon-to-be-immortal lines "To Jean Claude Juncker we are giving away/£55 million every day" and it has understandably caused something of a storm, Read using a traditional Caribbean form of expression, adopting a comedy West Indian accent, to complain about immigration. It is only right that the response to Read and Ukip should come in the manner of a traditional British verse, the limerick...
He was once characterised as Smashy
The DJ who was irredeemably flashy
But now he's got views
And he's back in the news
With a calypso branded racist and trashy
Mike Read was a famous pop picker of yore
He's a disc jockey right to his core
But it's not rock and roll
That's now stirring his soul
It's the immigrants who are breaking the law
So he's taken the Caribbean form of song
To address what he thinks has gone wrong
The cod accent he employs
Offends and annoys
And you could say it's all gone Pete Tong
He sings of bananas, kettles and tax
And of an immigration system so lax
What you will hear
Is the politics of fear
With a questionable regard to the facts
He invokes the towns of our nation
Where they're united in condemnation
He finds referendum
Rhymes with Hendon
In Thanet, too, they're sick of immigration
In UKIP, Read's interests are vested
But as a politico, he's yet to be tested
Yet he's kept his nose clean
If you know what I mean
And unlike his colleagues, he's not yet been arrested
Farage, as we know, is all front
And he's never afraid to be blunt
It's publicity he's after
He's game for some laughter
And Mike Read? Well, he's just a total stunt
Take it serious? You must be joking
Although anxiety is what they are stoking
They picture a land
Where hoovers are banned
And Nigel will be prevented from smoking
Mike Read says the calypso is satirical
But his critics say it's too political
Stick to spinning the platters
And leave what matters
To those who are a tad more lyrical
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