Jennifer Aniston cut her hair! What on earth could this mean!

This kind of chat is what happens if you’re 44, unmarried and without children

Grace Dent

Wednesday 06 November 2013 14:03 EST

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Hollywood actress Jennifer Aniston has had her longish brown hair chopped into a shorter, blonder bob. You may have been alerted to this by the thundering of 1,000 women’s magazine writers head-butting each other to reach their laptops first and begin speculating on a tragic reason for it.

Aniston is one of the finest comedic actresses of our generation. She is a multi-millionaire. She is beautiful, slim and in full health, but she is also a British magazine whipping girl for what happens if you’re 44, unmarried and without children.

Here is a bingo card of totally made-up haircut reasons, a “source close to the star” will be no doubt disclose to magazines: Jen’s hair signifies a coming split from her fiance Justin (“Tragic Jen” can’t keep a man). It signified her turmoil at her inability to get pregnant. Her hair has become weak through IVF treatment. Jen’s hair is a warning to long-haired love rival, brunette Angelina. Jen’s hair is a fancy Brazilian blow-out dry technique gone wrong (capricious Jen must pay for her vanity!).

Finally, Jen’s hair needed cutting and dyeing because she’d been rolling about on the dusty floor in Mothercare with a tear-soaked copy of Brides Monthly screaming, “When me, God? Why don’t you just kill me!”

Perhaps men will begin treating us like equals when we class the same thing as “news”.

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