If older women look good it’s not because of their make-up

It’s my birthday tomorrow. Quite a monumental one, too. Still, on the day at least I will know I am conforming to type as I trowel on the make-up prior to the Books on the Beach literary lunch in Scarborough (at which I am speaking).

Because the news is that women in my age group have become the biggest buyers of beauty products in Britain. According to a beauty website, customers aged 45-54 spend £2,238 a year on slap, whereas teenagers, whom one would have thought were the target audience, spend a mere £1,759.

Someone called Emma Leslie, beauty director of Escentual.com (the website responsible for this groundbreaking research), says the jaw-dropping difference of £10 a month is because cosmetics companies have had the clever idea of using older babes like Helen Mirren and Tilda Swinton, (69 and 54 respectively), as beauty ambassadors, cannily suggesting that it is possible to look gorgeous, post-menopause. And we gussies are rushing to Boots for a new lipstick because we are inspired by them. Furthermore, we get out a bit more these days.

“Women over 50 now tend to have more active social and work lives and are so more inclined to make sure they keep their looks,” opines Leslie. “They are much more likely nowadays to pay for premium products to help maintain a more youthful appearance.” What this boils down to is that anyone nearing or over 50 is so terrified of looking old that we will spend anything to halt the process.

My guess is that Emma Leslie, and the entire staff of Escentual.com, probably don’t mean to be mindless, but that they are simply several steps south of 50, or even 40. For they do not know what we women up here in the thin oxygen of the 45-55 age group know, which is: a) we know what suits us; b) we have mastered the art of putting it on very quickly; and c) it really doesn’t matter if you forget to wear lip liner now and then. Oh, and that: d) spending a huge amount of money on Crème de la Mer is an utter waste of time.

Still, the figures are out there. I suggest that women aged 45-55 spend more on cosmetics because they have more money than teenage girls. They also don’t have the time to haunt the bargain bins of Superdrug in order to pick up Revlon mascara for 99p.

I honestly don’t think that women aged 45-55 look at a picture of Helen Mirren, Tilda Swinton or Charlotte Rampling (69, also a beauty ambassador), and think: “Ooh, she’s looking good for her age, I must put on some foundation.”

What we are thinking is this: here is a picture of a woman who is beautiful (and NOT feisty, sassy or any of the other hideously misogynistic adjectives Mirren was so on the button about the other day), and who looks like herself. She has not frozen every last wrinkle away, or remodelled her face beyond recognition. She is not bothered about endless selfies. She does not have stupidly coiffed hair. She has not dieted herself to death. She is not vain (one then might conclude), but remarkable, interesting, and fun to have lunch with.

By the way, I went to Superdrug today. I bought some eyeliner of the type I always wear, and some mascara, ditto. I also bought some hair dye. I have been colouring my hair since I was 25. Just saying.