I'm proud of my scars – and I'm lucky to say I've never had a bad reaction to them. It should be this way for everyone
Beth Whaanga got a different response. Does society expect women to be flawless?
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Your support makes all the difference.Like Beth Whaanga I too posted a picture of my scars up on Facebook. The scars are the result of a fairly catastrophic cycling accident, and – by way of warning - you can see what I’m talking about at the bottom of this piece.
Unlike the Aussie mum of four, however, this “selfie” didn’t cost me 100 Facebook friends. Actually, it didn’t even cost me one.
It’s probably fair to say I might be more selective about who I “add” - had my selfie cost me 100 friends I wouldn’t have many left on my network. With a name like “James Moore” (there are a lot of us) I’m not all that easy to find and, anyway, my privacy settings are ultra high. That might help to explain why my photo didn’t get any negative comments - my Facebook friends tend to be real friends, not just cyber friends.
But the other difference between Beth and me is that I’m male and society seems to think men are allowed to have scars. They add a certain rakishness, no?
By contrast, society somehow expects women to be flawless. Watch any cosmetics ad if you think I’m making this up.
I once interviewed for a job with a company called Renovo which was developing treatments for scarring. As I remember, they were particularly excited about the potential market for their products among women. Which, to my mind, says it all. In some quarters, it seems, women who have scars are damaged goods fit only for hiding away.
That, I think, is why Beth got such a reaction whereas, for my part, I’ve never had a reaction of any kind to my scarring either in the virtual world or the real world. I’m more embarrassed by the few extra pounds I’m carrying than the marks my skin carries. And it carries quite a lot.
For the record, other than the one at the back of my leg I’ve a similarly sized one on my left arm (insertion of metal work), one under each arm (chest drain), one one my left leg (metal work), groin (metal work), one on the back of my neck (bed sore) and a large white one on the left side of my face (new skin).
Of course, one plus point is the resulting global furore about Beth, her pics and her ignorant former Facebook friends is that she’s made her point.
She had them taken - professionally - in an attempt to raise breast cancer awareness and that she has done.
But perhaps she’s also done us a service in igniting the wider debate. Because here’s the thing. I’ve learned to rather like my scars.
To me they are a badge of honour. They are metaphorical 'screw you' to the world. They remind me that I’m still here and that I’m still fighting, despite having had an oil tanker atop my ribs.
So it's handy for me that when they are on display no one seems to notice. I certainly haven’t ever detected any revulsion. I’d hope that would be the same for a woman who chose to display hers. But given the reaction Beth Whaanga has provoked among some people, I’m not so sure about that.
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