The Church Militant

The appointment is expected today of the new shadow Archbishop of Canterbury, the man whose job it will be to oppose and criticise the newly appointed Archbishop. Close observers predict that the appointment will undoubtedly fall to the Left Reverend Jack Heswall, who is at present shadow Bishop of the North Midlands.

Heswall is a good old-fashioned left-wing cleric, of a type not much seen among today's liberal and New Left churchmen. He has been a trade unionist all his life, being a shop steward early on with the militant wing of the National Union of Churchwardens and Allied Trades (which later merged with the more traditional Affiliation of Choirboys and Church Cleaners, to become the church negotiating body now known as Sanctus).

He survived the rough and tumble of church life in the Midlands to become an up-and-coming missionary, sent to a posting in the wilds of Norfolk. "His mission basically was to bring the people of Norfolk back to Christianity," says a friend, "or if that was not possible, at least back to a belief that goodness was better than badness. But, typically of Jack, he got involved in political causes in East Anglia and was directly responsible for a series of one-day strikes at all the leading cathedrals. Few of us who were there will quickly forget the lock-in at Ely..."

Very soon his success caught the eye of the Church Militant Tendency, the movement which attracted so many radical church workers in the 1970s, and Heswall found himself, for a while, personal chaplain to Arthur Scargill at the height of the miners' strike. Some say that his finest hour was to stand on the pickets at Wapping and simultaneously bless the striking workers and curse Rupert Murdoch's car as it drove past, though Heswall always claimed he was only exorcising it.

Things went a bit quiet for Heswall during the Thatcher years, as the mood of the country swung against his fiery, activist brand of religion, but his opposition to stiflingly comfy New Labour ideas has brought him back into the limelight. In church circles he is seen as the man who, more than anyone, has kept alive the fiery social conscience of the Church of England.

"Jack is very much a multicultural man," says a friend. "He has stood shoulder to shoulder with Sikhs and Hindus on the picket lines. He has not been afraid to live in culturally remote places such as the wilds of East Anglia, often hours from the nearest Indian take-away. So he is not likely to object to the selection as Archbishop of Canterbury of a man from Wales.

"Well, of course, he'll take the mickey out of him for being Welsh, because that is what the Welsh expect. And he'll make some lewd jokes about Welsh habits, because that is what the English expect, but I can't see him actually asking for a recount."

There are even some who think that the success of the new Archbishop will depend largely on the fierceness of the opposition by the Left Reverend Jack Heswall. Part of the reason George Carey is departing unlamented, almost unknown, is that nobody ever got a very clear idea of what he believed in or what kind of a person he was, and therefore didn't care. What George Carey needed was fierce opposition and a bit of controversy. And it looks as if Jack Heswall is the very man to set things alight...

A reader writes: Hold on, hold on! What is this all about? Is there really such a person as the shadow Archbishop of Canterbury?

Miles Kington writes: Maybe there is, and maybe there isn't. But there again, in a very real sense, is there really such a person as the Archbishop of Canterbury?

A reader writes: Well, of course there is! It was George Carey!

Miles Kington writes: Ah, but in what sense did George Carey actually exist as Archbishop? Can you name anything he ever did? Or any changes he made? Or anything he said?

A reader writes: Well, no, but...

Miles Kington writes: Well, then.

The shadow Archbishop of Canterbury will be installed next Tuesday at St Barnabas and All Workers, Solihull. All welcome. Entrance free. Tea and biscuits in the canteen after.