Christmas can be a difficult time for many queer people – but this year promises to be different

This will be my first Christmas spent outside of Scotland, away from family and friends. But it will also be my first queer Christmas, one I will spend with my boyfriend after we got together earlier this year.  

The government’s last minute announcement took a sledgehammer to many planned family reunions but it also offered LGBTQ+ people a chance to escape a period of the year that, despite its unapologetic camp credentials, can be an exhausting and even hostile time.

For many queer people, the festive period usually comes with an exclusively heteronormative straightjacket. For all the glitter, lights, and tinsel, erasure of LGBTQ+ is everywhere at this time of year. Something as simple as finding a Christmas card on the high street with a gay couple on the front is near impossible. Even receiving cards that deliberately leave off the name of a long-term partner can be upsetting because these relationships are seen as less legitimate than straight ones. 

Although a lot of people will be dealing with loneliness at Christmas this year with imposed restrictions, it’s always been felt deeply by the queer community.  

For safety and mutual understanding, LGBTQ+ people will usually live together in larger cities and towns. Gay, bisexual and trans people often form alternative queer families, which can result in deeper connections, particuarly if there’s been a struggle with coming out. Temporarily removing yourself from that safety net over Christmas can be lonely.  

Feeling lonely is something I’ve associated with Christmas for the past few years. I would normally leave my queer support bubble, both my personal and work life, and go back to rural Scotland where I’m one of the few openly LGBTQ+ people in the town. This is coupled with the strains of having been the only single person in my family, which has stirred up feelings of isolation. Usually this results in unfortunate wine-fuelled WhatsApp messages being sent to past flames from under the kitchen table.  

For trans and non-binary people, Christmas can be particuarly tricky. Some trans people will be misgendered and called their birth-name by extended family, stripping away the identity they have built and lived throughout the year. For trans people who haven’t come out, well meaning Christmas presents can be difficult to receive. Any trip to the kids section in shops shows that clothes and gifts are gendered; receiving a gift that doesn’t match the gender you identify with can be distressing. So much so that trans charities in previous years have come up with a system where young people can swap presents that suit them better and bring happiness.  

All this before crackers have been pulled and the Queen’s speech put on in the background.

So, despite the upset 2020 has brought, many LGBTQ+ people can now enjoy a Christmas without this annual rigmarole. Queer households will be able to enjoy Christmas on their terms and may find some joy even during this difficult time. This means having queer identities respected and being able to wear and dress how they want. It’s a positive contrast to the annual toe-curling homophobia and transphobia that can sometimes be voiced over the turkey.

It’s also an opportunity to create new traditions. As my boyfriend and I can’t go home, we’ve decided to embrace our first Christmas as a couple and come up with new ways to mark the day.

This comes at the end of a year that has been particularly difficult for LGBTQ+ people, with environments we would normally socialise in and find support, such as bars and community spaces, being closed for most of 2020 and rates of depression and stress affecting nearly one in seven queer people.

The end of 2020 has given young people an unexpected moment to have the authentic Christmas many have longed for. It’s a chance to be merry and to be hopeful for the future, which after all, is what Christmas should be about.