Boris Johnson has spoken. And it clears absolutely nothing up

It would be wrong to say that “Super Saturday” was, in the end, not a historic occasion. There was plenty of history, it’s just that it didn’t happen in the House of Commons itself, but in a small room just outside it, where, at the end of the unhistoric historic occasion in question, the prime minister’s official spokesperson came to answer questions from journalists about the very unhistoric history they had just witnessed.

Obviously, the House of Commons avoided having its big, crunch, Brexit vote for a little while longer. Instead of voting on Boris Johnson’s Brexit deal, it voted for a complicated amendment by the Tory backbencher, Oliver Letwin, that means MPs will now only give their formal approval to the deal after all the legislation that will be required for it has been passed, both in Westminster, and Brussels.

Effectively, it was designed to stop the UK crashing out with no deal on a technicality, or by accident, or more specifically, stopping the UK doing what many people still think is the government’s main strategy, which is to crash out of the EU with no deal accidentally-on-purpose.

The passing of the Letwin amendment does mean that Boris Johnson is now legally compelled to write to the EU, today, on Saturday 19 October, to ask for an extension to the Article 50 process beyond 31 October.

For several months now, the government has sustained a truly bizarre constructively ambiguous position on this, saying that “it will obey the law” but it won’t ask for an extension. Quite how it intends to maintain both these impossible positions has been a source of considerable vexation. And the passing of the Letwin amendment should have been the moment the answer would have to come out.

But it didn’t. What Johnson said was, “I won’t negotiate a delay with the EU”. Then he sat down again.

What did this mean? Will he be writing the letter? Won’t he? This fundamental question is the one that needs to be answered, because it makes no sense. So when a hundred or so journalists gathered around the prime minister’s spokesperson, to ask this very question, this was surely the point at which the ambiguity would have to end.

But it didn’t.

“The prime minister has just spoken. I have nothing to add to that,” came the answer, perhaps a dozen times over.

Will he write the letter? Won’t he write the letter? “The prime minister has just spoken. I have nothing to add to that.”

What does it mean? “You have the prime minister’s words.”

But what do they mean? “The prime minister has just spoken. I have nothing to add to that.”

For those interested in such parochial matters, there is much debate about whether briefings by the prime minister’s official spokesperson should be televised, as they are in, for example, the White House and the European Union. If the prime minister cares about such things, he can consider himself extremely lucky that there is no video footage of this occasion, which was – even in these rarefied days – among the most farcical things I have ever known.

Is the prime minister going to break the law? Is he not going to break the law? “You have the prime minister’s words.”

But those words make no sense? “The prime minister has just spoken. I have nothing to add to that.”

If he does write the letter – which he legally has to write today – will it be published later on this afternoon? “You have the prime minister’s words.”

You are the spokesperson. Spoke, from the ancient German, sprach, to speak, and the Greek, persona. You are the person who speaks, are you not? “The prime minister has just spoken. I have nothing to add to that.”

So here we are then, on Saturday afternoon, an entirely pointless day has drawn to its pointless end. White is black. Black is white. The prime minister isn’t going to break the law but isn’t going to not break it.

He will write the letter but he won’t write the letter. He will ask for an extension but he won’t ask for an extension.

You smelt it, you dealt it. You said the rhyme, you did the crime. The one who denied it, supplied it.

Twelve days till Brexit, which is either happening or not happening, depending on whether you choose to believe the people who won’t tell you anything anyway.