Theresa May’s Salzburg news conference: what she said – and what she really meant

What Theresa May said: We had a session this morning on internal security where I gave an update on Salisbury: I thanked EU leaders for their strong response to this reckless and criminal act by two officers of the Russian GRU.

What she really meant: Do they want our security and intelligence co-operation or not?

​What she said: I have just had a frank bilateral meeting with EU president Donald Tusk. He has confirmed the commitment of the other 27 member states to reaching a deal as soon as possible.

What she really meant: He got a bit testy with me, saying that time was running out. Then, I got a bit testy with him, saying I’d made an offer and it is up to him to get on with it.

​What she said: We both agree that there can be no withdrawal agreement without a legally operative backstop. But that backstop cannot divide the UK into two customs territories.

What she really meant: I will keep saying this until I give in.

​What she said: And we will be bringing forward our own proposals shortly.

What she really meant: It’s up to the EU side to come up with a better offer, obviously, but just in case they don’t I’ll come up with a new version of my proposal. Instead of a “facilitated customs arrangement”, it will be an “arrangement for facilitated customs”.

​What she said: On the economic partnership, there can be no solution to the Northern Ireland border that is not based on frictionless movement of goods. Our white paper remains the only serious and credible proposition on the table for achieving that objective.

What she really meant: I’m the only one who has done the homework. Unfortunately the dog ate it before I got to the rostrum. I will be bringing forward my new homework shortly.

​What she said: There is a lot of work to be done. But if the political will is there on the other side, I am sure we will reach a deal and to do so is in the EU’s interest as well as the UK’s.

What she really meant: At least I’m trying, unlike the other lot. A no-deal Brexit will hurt them almost as much as it will hurt us.

​What she said: Yes concerns have been raised; I want to know what those concerns are. I believe there is willingness to do a deal.

What she really meant: They have said no to my plan for 10 months now, and explained in detail what their concerns are but I’m pretending I can’t hear them.

​What she said: But let there be no doubt. We are preparing for no deal, so that the British people can be confident that we will have done what is necessary to make a success of leaving the EU regardless of the terms on which we do so.

What she really meant: You have seen the state of our preparations for a no-deal Brexit. Please help me.

​What she said: I have always said that these negotiations were going to be tough. And at various stages of these negotiations that different tactics were going to be used.

What she really meant: I am desperately hoping that when they say “no” they don’t mean it.

​What she said: I understand reference has been made to the integrity of the single market. We looked at that. That’s why we put forward a proposal that does exactly that.

What she really meant: They don’t half go on about the “four freedoms” and something about a cherry tree. I have put forward a form of words that pretends to respect their household gods, but for some reason they seem to take the EU’s principles seriously.

​What she said: The government’s position is absolutely clear. There will not be a second referendum.

What she really meant: My position is absolutely clear. A second referendum would be the end of my premiership.