I didn’t breastfeed my children – have I ruined their life chances?

There’s no doubt that breastfeeding is great for mothers and great for kids. The research is pretty unequivocal: there’s less likelihood of living with obesity (mother and child), better nutrition for baby and an optimised gut microbiome. However – we can’t all breastfeed. Some of us can’t for physiological reasons (full transparency – that’s me), some can’t because they have to go back to work – and some women face cultural and social barriers.

A new piece of research out today reports that breastfed children are more likely to succeed in their GCSEs. But this only adds to the intense pressure and shame women feel if they can’t breastfeed.

It even had me questioning on my journey to work today how my failure to breastfeed my children has failed them. I won’t be the only one. What the research doesn’t focus on is the many, many obstacles women face to breastfeeding. Perhaps it’s time to focus not just on the celebrations of those who can, but the reasons why many can’t?

This study indicates that breastfeeding for longer has the greatest impact on educational outcomes, where children were 38-39 per cent more likely to get a higher grade. Sounds great. But how do women go back to work (because that’s what’s expected of us) and breastfeed for longer at the same time? Do we have workplaces with breast milk storage facilities and breastfeeding breaks?

We’re not set up to achieve both, simultaneously. Therefore, breastfeeding for longer becomes more likely for the wealthy than the deprived – those who can stop work for longer. Not many people can survive on less than half of the minimum wage – which is what our statutory maternity pay looks like after six weeks.

Let’s also not forget the overwhelming force that is the commercial infant milk formula industry. This industry has been accused of using underhand and “predatory tactics” to target the worries and concerns of new mothers – and turn them into business opportunities. They use language that picks up on our new mother concerns: formula milk is for babies who are “fussy” or “crying” – both of which are perfectly normal baby behaviours.

As new mums, we are seeking advice, we worry, we want help. The big baby milk industry knows this. A recent analysis of advertising spend by the big baby milk players showed a 164 per cent rise in the past 10 years. Some commercial milk formula groups have even lobbied against increasing parental leave.

The barriers keep coming – lack of safe breastfeeding spaces for women, patriarchal views on what’s considered acceptable for women’s breasts and a dated cultural expectation that women should do so in private... and before you tell me that we’re past that, let me point you to an incident last year when a 25-year-old mum was told to cover up while feeding her four-week-old daughter in Sainsbury’s; a woman in a café told to “be more discreet” in April this year; and a woman who was asked to leave a court in Australia because she would be a “distraction to the jury”.

So yes, we may have the legal right to breastfeed in public, but we still face the expectation to be modest and do so in private.

The UK has some of the lowest breastfeeding rates in the world. Only 1 per cent of women exclusively breastfeed at six months. We need to start asking why this is the case. We need to look at the systems and structures in place (or not) to help facilitate us to breastfeed for longer: better, longer maternity pay, a workforce which sets us up to thrive as a working breastfeeding mother – and less judgement. A lot less judgement.

I think my kids will be fine, but I check my privilege. I have employment, we have a house, they have present parents. There are mothers who are facing considerable uphill struggles to feed their children. Some have few options left but to steal baby milk from supermarkets.

We need less pressure on mums and less shame if we can’t breastfeed. Many are doing the best they can, in less than helpful conditions.

Dayna Brackley is a Senior Food Policy Consultant at Bremner & Co, an organisation working to improve child health and nutrition. Dayna is leading a review of breastfeeding barriers in the UK. She is also an MSc student at the Centre for Food Policy