My boss said he’d sack me if I didn’t flirt – I bet Schofield and Clarkson never had to deal with that

I was 16 the first time a boss tried it on with me.

He waited until everyone else had left, then closed the door before I could follow and stood between it and me.

“What do I have to do to get you to go on a date with me?” he asked. I was terrified. I didn’t know what he was going to do in that empty office, and I was pretty sure I would lose my job afterwards.

As it happened, I managed to bolt past him and out of the door. He didn’t fire me, I got a new job, where one of the managers took my phone number from my CV and started texting me flirty messages during my shift. He didn’t fire me either, but he did start withholding my commission when I didn’t play along.

This isn’t unusual. Most women I know have been on the receiving end of advances from a boss at least once. So, as surprised as I am at the attention Phillip Schofield is getting, and as much as I think it’s highly unlikely the same reaction would have been provoked if a younger woman had been involved, I can’t dismiss it as “just” a workplace affair... or a “witch hunt” as Jeremy Clarkson has suggested.

When someone senior at work makes it clear that they’re interested in you, it’s not just another flirtation. This person can influence your career. They have control over your growth and development. They can end your employment and leave you without the income to pay your rent and bills. The balance of power can never be equal. And how can you have a truly caring, consensual relationship without equality?

Even if you do both start the relationship with genuine feelings for one another, what happens if it turns sour? How can you be sure that your ex-partner won’t take their resentment out on your career? When the power imbalance is against you, you can feel trapped in a relationship for fear of the financial and reputational repercussions.

I once had a flirtation with a boss that began consensually. I had thought it was innocent flirty chat. But when it went too far and I asked him to stop, he responded, “I could fire you, you know.”

It’s hard not to be moved by Phillip Schofield’s distress, and his daughters’ assertion that, if they hadn’t been keeping watch over him, he’d have killed himself by now. In his BBC interview, he was keen to point out that he’d done nothing illegal. That is the yardstick that is relevant to him. He said it didn’t feel like an abuse of power at the time. He characterised it as “unwise”. And from his point of view, it may well be as simple as that. But what about the perspective of the man involved?

For obvious reasons, we’ve heard nothing from him, and no one wants to see his name dragged into this. So all we can do is speculate as to how he felt when, at the age of 20, a man he respected, a man he’d known and looked up to since he was 15, a man who could make or break his career, wanted something more from him.

And all I can do is remember how I felt, standing in front of those powerful men. Repulsion, desire, concern about causing offence or making a fuss, excitement about the possibilities this could open up, a combination of all of these – human emotions are rarely straightforward – but underlying it all, there is always fear. Because, whatever happens, whether you say yes or no, whether you want it or not, if this goes wrong, you’ll be the one to face the consequences. Not them.

The fact is that this man should never have been put in this position. And neither, really, should Schofield. If he’s being truthful in his response, then he simply doesn’t get it. From the reaction of other celebrities, he’s clearly not the only one. Maybe that’s not surprising – how can people who’ve lived with excessive wealth and influence for years relate to people barely out of school, with no connections, who are scrabbling around just to buy dinner? It’s up to organisations such as ITV to put boundaries in place that protect everyone.

Businesses need to put an end to their culture of drinking. So many work nights out start with the boss putting their credit card behind the bar. What’s the harm in a little drink? Well, I know I’m not the only one to have been told by a swaying, sweating middle-aged director with his hand on my backside that I have “real potential in this organisation,” while I’m frozen, petrified, to the spot. It’s a common work party experience.

Schofield was asked about the affair by his bosses, and he denied it. Those defending him say it was no one else’s business, but at work that just can’t be the case. People in senior positions should be required to declare relationships with more junior staff – not only to prevent them from making unfair decisions about that person’s progression, but to give junior staff some power of their own if they show advances have been made that weren’t declared.

Ultimately, businesses need to step up and deal with workplace “relationships”. Even if it’s your biggest on-air talent, like Phillip Schofield. The workplace should be a safe space for everyone, and there should be barriers to anything more personal. If it’s real love, you’ll work through those barriers together. If it’s not, keep your hands to yourself.