Boris Johnson is Coleen Rooney, sending ridiculous Brexit proposals to Leo Varadkar in the hope he’ll leak them to the press
Over the past three months, he has sent a load of demonstrably absurd proposals to the Irish prime minister in order to shift the blame onto yet another person
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Your support makes all the difference.For a few months now, someone has been consistently informing the press of Boris Johnson’s deranged ideas for how to get out of the impossible Brexit mess that is entirely of his own making.
After a long time of trying to figure out who it could be, for various reasons, he had a suspicion.
To try and prove this, he came up with an idea.
Over the past three months, he has come up with a series of utterly demented proposals, that were so laughable they could not possibly be expected to be taken seriously, and sent them to the Irish taoiseach, Leo Varadkar, to see if they made their way into the media.
And you know what, they did!
The story about avoiding a hard border in Ireland by building two hard borders five miles in each direction from the one you’re trying to avoid.
The story about “maximum facilitation” and trusted trader schemes
The story about “alternative solutions” that don’t exist.
The story about just flat-out refusing to put up any infrastructure at the border at all.
The story about “not being attracted to arcane proposals like the prorogation of parliament” but then proroguing it anyway.
The story about being above the law and not having to comply with the Benn Act then admitting in court you would have to.
The story about him “not having any interest to declare” with Jennifer Arcuri, who then went on live television for an hour and categorically denied every allegation that’s been made about the nature of their relationship, apart from whether they were having an affair.
The story about it being “completely untrue” that he groped two journalists under a table, despite his having no recollection whatsoever of the occasion on which it happened.
The story about his chief of staff, Dominic Cummings, openly admitting that the Brexit negotiations are “a sham” and that all he and Johnson are trying to do is shift the blame for their failure on to Brussels to provide fuel for a nakedly populist election that might just break the country for a generation.
The story about his proposals for a new deal being what Guy Verhofstadt and others have called “virtual proposals” – ones that are designed only to fail, explicitly for the purpose described above.
It’s been tough keeping it to himself and not making any comment at all (other than to regularly appear on television and continually deny or otherwise not answer allegations that are, quite blatantly, true).
So what he did was, he arranged a private meeting, just with Varadkar, at which no media, at all, were invited. Completely shut down. Just him and the Irish prime minister, at a popular WAG manor house near Liverpool where Coleen Rooney had her 21st birthday party.
This time he would come up with some really deranged proposals. Ones that could never, possibly, be true.
This time he’d make explicitly clear that if no deal happened it would all be Varadkar’s fault. He had been prepared to compromise, he’d sent over new proposals, and they’d been rejected out of hand.
What had Ireland done, what had the EU done, apart from consistently do exactly what they said they would do, for three and a half years?
When would they, finally, get round to bending over backwards, breaking their own rules, to help out a man who likes nothing more than to call them all Nazis for lols and a few grand a time at some corporate dinner?
All of this unimaginable mess, this unsolvable problem that he never actually thought he would ever have to solve because he never thought he would actually win the referendum, it would all be somebody else’s fault.
It would be nothing to do with him at all.
It would be the EU that hadn’t compromised. It would be Varadkar, refusing to do a thing to help.
It would be the Remainers. It would be Jeremy Corbyn. It would be Angela Merkel, it would be Emmanuel Macron. It would be Jean-Pierre Papin. It would be Demis Roussos, Antoine de Caunes and Goran Ivanisevic.
It would be absolutely, absolutely anybody but definitely not him.
And if that absolute, total, garbage somehow found its way to The Sun, or The Express or The Daily Telegraph, well, he’d know who to blame.
He’d have held the meeting, we’d have seen the photos which clearly show just one person attended it.
It’s….....Leo Varadkar.
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