After the disaster of the Biden/Trump debate, is it time to consider upper age limits for politics?

It’s been a bad few days for the elderly.

In the US, last week’s televised presidential debate between septuagenarian Donald Trump and octogenarian Joe Biden would have served better as an advert for a nursing home than for either of those two men to re-enter the White House.

Meanwhile, on this side of the Atlantic, undercover reporters from Channel 4 News filmed a campaigner called Andrew Parker, whose campaigning for Reform UK used racist language rarely heard among political canvassers. Nigel Farage claims the whole thing was a set-up; Channel 4 disagrees. But one thing’s clear – Parker genuinely is an old ’un. Indeed, in an interview with Sky News, that fact seemed to form part of his defence. “I’m an old man,” he said. “And I still use old words.” Well, that’s one way to put it.

You might think these three are exceptions to the rule. Most people in their dotage are delightful, quietly getting on with their retirement by making jam and sucking on endless Werther’s Originals, or volunteering with local charities, where they like to teach the paid employees a thing or two…

We also cannot ignore that these three examples are all men. And it does seem to be a particularly (though not uniquely) male tendency to become an ever more braggadocious know-it-all as time goes on.

Still, with apologies to women and to the silent majority of charming old folk, it seems to me that it might be necessary to take some steps to limit the damage that pensioners are currently causing around the world. Just as we have minimum age restrictions, so we should consider upper limits in various arenas.

The most obvious one is politics. Has there ever been a great world leader who came into office after the age of 80? Scratch that, make it 75. Gladstone’s fourth term as British prime minister in the 1890s had one or two bright moments, but he didn’t have to go on the telly.

Article Two of the US constitution provides that the president must be at least 35 when they take office. Adding an upper age of 75 would rule out both of the current contenders very comfortably, and would hardly be at odds with history. The only US presidents who have been elected after the age of 70 in the past are – you guessed it – Biden and Trump.

So, that deals with politics, but there may be more issues to consider. If we’re going to keep oldies out of the world’s parliaments, congresses and assemblies, they’ll have time on their hands – but that time may not be well spent on the roads.

I know, I know, there are lots of people out there who put their decades of experience behind the wheel to good use, navigating the highways and byways at sensible speeds and with wonderful manners. But even though over-70s in the UK must now complete a health declaration when they renew their driving licence, that doesn’t seem to include a requirement that they will remember to use their mirrors and not hog the middle lane. So, let’s just draw a line: mandatory testing at 70, and an enforced end of the road at 85. Frankly, I’m being generous.

It’s not only the post-pensionable who we need to think about. By the time people reach 60, nightclubs ought to be out of bounds. Don’t worry though – barn dances and village hall discos are still open to all.

I even have my doubts about the age-appropriateness of big music festivals to be honest, but I realise that if you start preventing the over-60s from going to Glastonbury, you’re ruling out not only true ancients like Paul McCartney and the Rolling Stones, but even the likes of Blur (Dave Rowntree was 60 in May – sorry Dave). So, more thought will be needed on this one. Maybe you can attend if you promise not to wear double denim.

I’d also like to see a ban on over-60s using the term “woke”, because the only ones who throw it out there do so as an act of abuse and think they’re being funny and/or clever. Commenting on young people’s penchant for avocados can also fall under this regulation.

Thinking about a soft pear brings me back to Biden and Trump, a pair of old men whose apparent softness of mind is causing America and the rest of the world such anxiety. If we can’t get a ban on elderly statesmen through by November, let’s hope the presidential hopefuls take heed of the blunt words uttered by another old politician, Charles de Gaulle: “Old age,” he said, “is a shipwreck.” Biden and Trump should get out of the political water before it’s too late.