We moved to Australia (but it wasn't the end of the world)

To many people, the thought of moving to another country - like the dream of winning a lottery jackpot - represents the prospect of a new, exciting life where things can only be better - especially at New Year. But in reality, no matter how much your surroundings improve, there is likely to be some aspect of your old life that you always pine for.

To many people, the thought of moving to another country - like the dream of winning a lottery jackpot - represents the prospect of a new, exciting life where things can only be better - especially at New Year. But in reality, no matter how much your surroundings improve, there is likely to be some aspect of your old life that you always pine for.

Ann Hershaw, who is 35, is one who knows all about the pain of homesickness. She moved to Singapore a year and a half ago, and is desperate to return home to Fife. She and her husband William, a 38-year-old semi-conductor engineer, moved with their two-year-old son David for work reasons. But it hasn't been an easy move.

"I feel homesick most of the time, despite the strong ex-pat community out here," says Mrs Hershaw. "They're nothing like the friendships that you have with people you have known from school. I desperately miss my family. You want to come home, and feel generally depressed."

She has tried to take her mind off things by working as a buyer and joining social groups. But still she yearns for those close to her. "I have a very close-knit family so I feel I have lost out more than the average British person out there," she says, though she'll be staying in Singapore for another year and a half till her husband's contract expires. "I feel we are never going to settle there properly. I'd like to come back to where we are going to settle.

"If you were looking at it logically Singapore is a far nicer place to live because it's multi-racial, multi-cultural, the crime rate is very low, and it's very safe and clean. By contrast, Fife is quite a black spot - but my heart's in Fife. It's certainly not in Singapore. If Billy got offered a job at home, tomorrow we would be home."

Others, however, have found it possible to overcome severe homesickness. It took Sue Tredget, now 38, six months before she stopped regretting her decision to emigrate to Australia - but now she is happier than she has ever been.

Mrs Tredget, a teacher, moved to Perth in January 1999 with her husband Ian, also a teacher, and their son Daniel, then aged two. Mr Tredget had grown up in Perth, and the couple had always dreamed of returning in search of a better "quality of life". Mrs Tredget had travelled widely, and had lived in France and Spain for a year. She had also spent holidays in Perth. But still she was totally unprepared for the acute sense of loss that engulfed her when she arrived.

"It was like a rug being pulled away from under my feet," she says. "While I had my immediate family there, and my in-laws, I felt I had no network of support. You suddenly realise that all the people you had around you before - your colleagues and your friends - aren't there to rely on.

"I felt lost because everything in my life had completely changed. I felt very insecure. People think that Australia and England are very similar, but there are marked differences, and having to get to grips with a new system was another hassle that I didn't need. Everything that I had ever known as familiar was gone. I felt like I had lost my place in the world, and I didn't know whether I had the strength to get a new one.

"Somebody told me that the feeling of homesickness is like a process of grieving. It's very powerful and completely overwhelms you. At the time you can't see that it's going to get better.

"I lost my spark and feeling of identity. I didn't know who I was. At times I felt completely distraught. I was devastated by the feeling that I had made a horrible mistake for myself, and for my family. And I felt that I couldn't reverse it without more trauma."

Mrs Tredget also felt very angry with herself for "having got myself into a situation where I felt so awful. Everyone kept saying 'give it time', but it was no consolation at all. Nothing anyone could say was any comfort".

She missed the British sense of humour and the British media - and even found herself pining for This Morning with Richard and Judy. One of the hardest parts of her new life was dealing with people who couldn't understand why she felt so bad when she seemed to have it all - a loving husband, a healthy baby, a lovely home, an excellent climate, and an enviable lifestyle.

"It just goes to show how powerful an emotion homesickness is. You can appear to have everything that you could possibly want, but still feel gut-wrenching despair."

Less than a month after arriving in Australia, she conceived her second child, Ben, who is now one.She found being able to talk to antenatal staff about her feelings invaluable. "I thought I hated Perth, but they helped me realise that what I hated was all the emotions I was feeling, rather than the place. It was a great comfort."

Gradually she found herself making friends, joining a tennis club, and beginning to feel part of the community. The baby was born, and everything eventually clicked. Mrs Tredget, who starts a new teaching job in February, now believes that emigrating to Australia was by far the best decision she has made.

"I think grieving for your country and its familiarity is a process that you have to go through. Now everything here is familiar. This is my home, and we love the lifestyle. But I can see why people go back before giving themselves time to really feel settled," she says. "I wouldn't go back to live in England now. My life here is so much fuller and richer than it was in Britain. All the reasons for coming here were justified, and I feel happier now than I have ever been. It just took a while. And it's made me a much stronger person for having been through it."

Homesickness can be so debilitating that Au Pair In America, a London-based company which brings 4,000 foreign au pairs to America each year, gives their charges a three-day orientation course which addresses the issue on arrival. Jody Landon, who co-ordinates the courses, says: "The most important thing to know is that you may not necessarily want to avoid homesickness. It is actually part of the adaptation process for living in another country, or another culture, and one needs to expect it.

"If someone is feeling homesick, first of all they need to acknowledge to themselves that this is a normal feeling. They need to reach out for support, be it through family or friends, an organised or structured programme such as ours, or a church or community organisation. And remember to keep moving. A normal reaction to homesickness is to withdraw. If you keep your feet moving, your head and your heart follow you."

Ms Landon also suggests making short-term goals, and doing everything possible to feel part of the community. It is vital not to feel a prisoner in the situation. "As I always say, the plane flies every day. There is no shame in having tried something and saying: 'This isn't the right decision for me at this time in my life, but I can congratulate myself for having tried it'."