WIMBLEDON '95: How to survive in SW19

Get somebody else to pay for your tickets: corporate hospitality packages start at around pounds 300 a day, and run up to pounds 1,500-odd on men's final day. If you're feeling ultra-choosy, marquees numbered 1-30 are protected from the general public but are tucked away in a corner of the site; 31-44 are closer to the action but hemmed in by (shudder) tennis fans.

If you have to pay for your own tickets, the cheapest way to see the stars is to wait until 5pm, buy a ground admission ticket (pounds 8 in the first week, pounds 7 in the second) and then queue for show court tickets that have been returned by sated punters or bored corporate entertainees. They cost pounds 3, and you have a fair chance of seeing some decent singles action - you're almost guaranteed quality doubles.

If you don't fancy the extra queueing, a straightforward ground admission ticket entitles you to watch the action on courts 3-17: but it doesn't guarantee that you'll see anything. Unless you want to see nothing but the backs of huge Scandinavian students, go early, and head for courts 3, 13 or 14: these have mini-grandstands, and the better non-superstar players (and plucky British no-hopers) are often assigned to play on them.

Wimbledon is an assault course: take the right kit. Comfortable shoes, sunglasses and a folding umbrella are essential. Cushion hire is pounds 1 a day, and will seem worth every penny by mid-afternoon. If you have forgotten your brolly and the skies darken, a Wimbledon golf umbrella gives good coverage but will cost you pounds 35.

Getting there: don a tracksuit, borrow six rackets and stand around outside any smart west London hotel. You will be picked up by one of the 90 smart green saloons that ferry players and officials to the championships. Should this audacious plan not come off, the best way of getting to Wimbledon is by Tube. Take the District Line to Southfields (not Wimbledon) and catch one of the Shuttle buses. If you drive, traffic can be tricky: aim for Car Parks 6, 7 and 9. They are closest to the main entrance, and places can be reserved.

The price of strawberries is not set until the weekend before the championships. This is because many growers plan their crops to ripen in time for Wimbledon. In theory, the glut thus created should drive prices down. In practice ...

Other Wimbledon foodstuffs: cucumber sandwiches (crusts off) are served for tea every day in the Royal Box; fish and chips in the Food Village in Aorangi Park will this year cost pounds 3.25; ice cream is pounds 1.30 a tub.

Slackers favour the bar adjacent to the Tea Lawn. Here they can lounge with a glass of Pimm's and lemonade (pounds 2.65) and keep abreast of events on the show courts via the scoreboard on the outside wall of Centre Court.

Been there, done that, got the T-shirt? Good. You won't have to pay pounds 18 for this year's version.

The obvious spot for celebrity-watching is the concourse below the Royal Box. So obvious, in fact, that it is a constant human traffic-jam of giggling schoolgirls and goggling tourists. A better bet for celeb-spotting, if you can blag your way in, is the little village of television vans in the broadcasting compound behind Court 14. You may spot John McEnroe or Chris Evert relaxing between NBC commentary stints, or contemporary stars who have dropped by for a chat.

Better still is the Players' Restaurant, on the first floor of the Number One Court building. But access for non-players is tricky: your way is likely to be barred by one of Wimbledon's 235 security guards or 425 stewards.

It is possible to watch the stars on court without either spending a fortune or trampling fellow fans underfoot. Head for the practice courts, by the Bus Park at the Southfields end of the grounds, and you can watch the players warm up for their matches in front of a minute audience.

If you fancy ogling the stars of Wimbledon's past, loiter around the Last 8 Club Marquee in Aorangi Park. Membership of this highly exclusive club is restricted (as you may have guessed) to those who have reached the quarter-finals of the singles or the semi-finals of the doubles at Wimbledon. Among the club's special guests this year is Mrs B J Browning, formerly and more glamorously known as Francoise Durr.

If you are stuck in a traffic jam on your way to the All England Club, you can tune in to Radio Wimbledon, which broadcasts to a radius of four miles around the venue on 87.7FM. Programmes include commentary, interviews, results and information about other traffic jams that you may be interested in joining.

Enraged at the seemingly endless upward spiral of Wimbledon prize money? Reflect on the runners-up prize for the 1975 Boys' Singles Championship: a pencil.