Johanna Konta's disguised backhand on Jonathan Ross wasted a whole hour of my life

The things I do for this column. Like sitting through an entire show of Jonathan Ross’s oozing, treacly smugness, wincing at him being left half-armed in a battle of wits with Rob Brydon, flinching and cringing as he coats his nose in creosote quizzing the likes of Taylor Lautner (he acted in Twilight – popular with the youngsters, as far as I could gather) and Ronan Keating.

It was because I’d read that the British No 1 tennis player Johanna Konta had refused to buy into Ross’s egocentric humblebragging. Her interview – as far as these vignettes of Ross making it all about him can be classed as interviews – was described as “excruciating” by a number of media outlets the night before its broadcast.

Apparently she’d described one of Ross’s questions as “boring”. After the host had queried her grip on the racket during a contrived in-studio stunt, she glared at him. And then, when Ross had asked about her Australian Open semi-final defeat to Angelique Kerber, she had allegedly delivered the withering put-down: “Is that your professional opinion?”

So we were braced for a humdinger. Break out the popcorn, fluff up the big beanbag – this could have been the best talk show moment since Clive Anderson’s infamously frosty Bee Gees interview when he ended up calling them all tossers.

But we’d been hoodwinked. Konta came strutting on to the stage beaming after we’d been treated to a montage of her Australian Open exploits. Ross said the experience must have changed her life. She replied: “Being here has changed my life more than anything, so thank you for having me.”

She then showed herself to be charming and forthright when it came to the question of what nationality Konta, who was born in Australia to Hungarian parents then moved to Britain, and carries passports from all three countries, regards herself as being. Answer: British. “This is my home,” she said. “This is where I’ve made the strongest memories and where I became a young adult.”

And she was endearingly candid when she told Lautner she was a Twilight fan, that at the age of 17 or 18 she had “locked herself in my room for a week” reading the books.

Lautner ventured that while the books were well and good, she might have watched a film or two. “I did, actually,” she countered enthusiastically. “I saw them – I saw all four.” “Five,” Lautner said. “Shit,” Konta deadpanned.

She said that word again – with a lot more gusto – during the tennis racket stunt, when she had to lob grapes into Lautner’s mouth. One went looping towards the audience, almost causing the actor to fall off the stage.

Her expletive matched ours, as it slowly dawned on us that the story of awkwardness was the product of a blabbermouth audience member – or maybe even the show’s publicity department. Either way, the supposedly toe-curling moments, if they even happened, had vanished thanks to a sharp pair of editor’s scissors.

On the promise of karmic embarrassment I’d been duped into watching almost an hour of Jonathan bloody Ross. Never again.