World Cup Diary: No sex please, we're the French rugby team

Who can this be at the England team hotel in central Dunedin? Blow us down with a feather boa, it's Zara Phillips – international-class equestrian, 9,700th in line to the throne and wife of Mike Tindall, the midfielder at the heart of Dwarfgate, or Boozegate, or Queenstowngate, or Whatevergate. Up on Auckland's North Shore, the French cannot be doing with this kind of thing. The Tricolores' head coach Marc Lièvremont has decreed that none of the womenfolk associated with his players will be welcome within the confines of the squad accommodation. After the final pool match against Tonga in Wellington next weekend, there will be – for one night only – a relaxing of the rules. That aside, Les Bleus might as well be holed up in a monastery. And not one that brews its own beer, either.

Hosts fail to see the irony in humour à la française

Lièvremont's name is everywhere. His decision to play a scrum-half, Morgan Parra, at outside-half in tomorrow's grapple with the All Blacks has become something of a scandal. Can he be serious about throwing the match as a means of landing in the softer half of the knock-out draw? "I will speak to the players," he said, his tone positively awash with sarcasm. "Perhaps they will decide to give up on the game if it's easier for us afterwards." As for the hosts...they don't do irony. "Anything is possible," said Steve Hansen, their assistant coach, when quizzed on the issue, "but it's not in our psyche. We'd be hung from the highest tree if we tried to lose a Test match." If only Hansen had said the opposite, just for fun.

Aussies abused, Kiwis accused

Mind you, the fun disappears from rugby when visiting supporters are verbally abused, expectorated upon and generally tormented by home-town types. According to a Sydneysider by the name of Phil Dunne, widely quoted in the public prints, Australians have copped it in spades during the tournament. "Some of the charming exchanges involved sexual comments about my wife and instructions on how we could all fuck off back to Australia," he said. "One bloke even attempted to spit on us." An England supporter said he felt as though he was attending a Ku Klux Klan fancy dress ball "dressed as Al Jolson". Adam Morton added that he had also been called a "Pommy bastard". That, of course, was meant as a compliment.