Vicious attacks and noble brats: quotes of the year

January

This is me fighting my demons, my way of saying: 'Look, I am sorry for giving into the temptations. I have abused the privileged life I've had, and if this match is anything, it is me paying my debt.'

Niall Quinn, footballer, announcing that his £1m testimonial proceeds would go to charity.

It's really embarrassing. I'm Chelsea through and through.

Paul Haines, who suffered a head injury playing in goal for Swindon Supermarine and came to in hospital believing he was Fabien Barthez.

So my wife and I can make love in a different room every night.

Bobby George, darts player, on why his £2.5m Essex mansion has 18 bedrooms.

There are some bloody good balti places in Birmingham.

Ron Atkinson on why the Midlands is a better national stadium option than Wembley.

Mine's at home finishing the ironing and washing-up.

Robbie Earle, asked what he thought about the television show Footballers' Wives.

I am a prostitute.

David Sheepshanks, Ipswich chairman, favours the Uefa Cup having a group stage, in order to boost income.

Hooligans show such an enviable passion for their sport.

Wasaburo Kashiwagi, mayor of Awaji, England's World Cup base camp in Japan.

I am not a role model or Mr Politically Correct.

Mike Tyson.

February

You could tell he was a goalie because he was so good with his hands.

Alicia Douvall, tabloid kiss-and-tell girl, after a night with Barthez.

Martin [Johnson] is not a player who purposely goes out on the pitch to be violent and cause damage to other players, other than in the true spirit of the game.

Neil Back on the England rugby union captain.

The only place that will be more secure will be the White House.

Al Mansell, president of the Utah Senate, on security at Salt Lake City for the Winter Olympic Games.

Take your brother's skateboard. Rope it to the back of your mother's car and then ask her to drive it at 80mph round the M25.

Alex Coomber, before winning an Olympic skeleton bronze medal, on what the event feels like.

I'm not Mother Teresa. I'm not Charles Manson either. Just treat me equal.

Mike Tyson at his licence hearing before the Nevada State Athletic Commission.

The hospitality industry has been down since September 11th and this would be a boost for our economy.

Michael Brown, vice-president of Washington DC's Boxing and Wrestling Commission, on why it approved a boxing licence for Tyson.

I'm prepared to fight him in any country but I want him to seek help. They might have to put him in a muzzle. I'm a fighter, not a biter.

Lennox Lewis on Tyson.

There haven't been any.

Graeme Hick, asked who is the best coach he has worked with.

One boozy night has brought this club down.

David O'Leary, then Leeds United manager.

March

I was contacted and told what to do by people from the other side.

Johann Mühlegg, cross-country skiing champion who said he defected to Spain from Germany because aliens told him to.

Fash the Cash, Fash the Bash. I've been called the lot. I just thank God I wasn't named Hunt.

John Fashanu.

They are robbing old-age pensioners who buy TV licences.

Frank Maloney, boxing manager, on the BBC's deal with Audley Harrison.

I can't do anything that would ridicule my perception.

Chris Eubank on why he did not accept a nomination for the Rear of the Year award.

Terry Biddlecombe says he's Linford Christie without the balls.

Henrietta Knight, trainer of Gold Cup winner, the gelding Best Mate.

He has a work ethic which has meant a change in attitude for us all. I didn't realise there were two 7.30s in a day.

Budge Pountney, Northampton captain, on coach Wayne Smith.

I prefer to live one day as a lion, instead of 10 years like a rabbit.

Lorenzo Amoruso, the Rangers captain, not Mussolini.

Ben was too cool to get old ... He was a beautiful work of art, a classic sculpture.

Adam Hollioake, at the memorial service for his brother, Ben.

In my mind I'd no reason to get it checked. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong.

Alain Baxter, stripped of his Olympic skiing medal after testing positive for methamphetamines in a nasal inhaler.

It's the usual refrain. Have you ever heard of anyone responding to a positive case differently?

Dick Pound, head of the World Anti-Doping Agency.

April

Crap.

Tony McCoy's response to those who consider him the most effective jump jockey in history.

He's an overrated bum.

Julius Long, after losing to Audley Harrison.

I'm fed up with football, football every time I open a newspaper. I feel cricket should be back where it belongs, as our No 1 sport.

Michael Soper, chairman of Surrey County Cricket Club.

He represents something for every woman – father, husband, footballer, icon. In a word, he's the ultimate hero.

Marie O'Riordan, editor of Marie Claire, on David Beckham becoming the first man to appear on the magazine's cover.

She is a highly patriotic woman who regards it as her duty to watch fixtures where England is on TV, just as she watches any Royal occasion. It is part of her belief in her country. He thought she wanted to watch the England-Albania match because she wanted to ogle the men on the pitch.

Mr David Whitehouse, QC, defending Zena Burton, who killed her boyfriend by strangling him with an aerial flex because he would not let her watch the football. She was given a three-year community rehabilitation order.

May

This is a dream come true. This is a time for cigarettes and drink and then tomorrow I will go and see Real Madrid play Barcelona.

Klaus Toppmöller, Bayer Leverkusen coach, after his side's European Cup semi-final win over Manchester United.

You have to remember the old dear had reached the end of her lifespan and was beginning to fall apart.

Chris Palmer, Wembley spokesman.

He reminds you of Hitler.

Ken Bates, Chelsea chairman, on Adam Crozier, the Football Association chief executive.

My main objective is to be professional but to kill him. He should want to kill me because I want to kill him. But I still love him.

Mike Tyson on Lennox Lewis.

Having an orgasm is like running up the stairs.

Lewis on why he gives up sex three weeks before a fight.

Forget the championship. There is no chance to stop Michael.

Gerhard Berger, BMW's motor sport director, on Michael Schumacher and the Formula One world title race.

It's disgusting. You suspect that if they can find a reason not to promote Rotherham then they will.

Mike Schmidt, player-coach of Rotherham RUFC, who were not promoted despite finishing top of National Division One.

I'd love it if I could become Lady Beckham.

Victoria B.

I didn't rate you as a player, I don't rate you as a manager and I don't rate you as a person. You're a f***ing w****r and you can stick your World Cup up your arse.

Roy Keane to the Republic of Ireland manager, Mick McCarthy, during the row that led to his being sent home.

I have never witnessed such an attack from any human being. It was vicious and it was unjust.

McCarthy.

June

I don't regret what I said, but at the same time I agree that Mick had to send me home.

Keane.

Oh, I'd have sent him home all right, but I'd have shot him first.

Brian Clough, Keane's former manager.

I've stood and watched Wimbledon since 1979 and now I don't have a club to support any more. I won't be going to Milton Keynes. It has to be the death of our club.

Marc Jones, Wimbledon Independent Supporters' Association spokesman, on the club's proposed move.

I talk to ministers about how much we need politicians to do. They nod and, then, when I walk away, nothing happens.

Steve Cram, chairman of the English Institute of Sport.

I'm just happy that Lennox didn't kill me in there.

Mike Tyson, after defeat in Memphis.

I've got nothing against gay people. I might use them [homophobic insults] but I don't mean them.

Mike Tyson, when upbraided by the gay activist Peter Tatchell in Memphis.

I met the 12 Premiership directors of rugby to discuss training dates and the rest of it, and I can only describe it as a shambles, a farce, a waste of time.

England rugby union manager, Clive Woodward.

We burn referees like that at the stake.

Paolo Maldini, Italy defender, on Graham Poll, after his side's game against Croatia.

F*** You.

Headline in the Argentinian paper Olé after defeat to England.

He is extremely good-looking, isn't he? And so noble. He's behaving like something out of Lord of the Rings. I think he's wonderful, especially when you consider what a brat he used to be.

Doris Lessing, author, on David Beckham.

I don't feel like a hero. That is someone who wins wars.

Sven Goran Eriksson, England manager, after the win over Denmark.

That gentleman will never set foot in Perugia again... Let him go back to Korea and earn 100 lire per month.

Luciano Gaucci, Perugia president, on the club's Korean international Ahn Jung-Hwan, whose golden goal put out Italy.

If the Italians speak of corruption it's because they are accustomed to practising it.

Byron Moreno, Ecuadorean referee, after Italians claimed that he was paid off for their game against South Korea.

Spain didn't win because they [Fifa] didn't want us to win.

Ivan Helguera, Spanish defender, after his team's defeat to South Korea in the quarter-finals.

When the chips were down I knew the boys wouldn't bend like the England footballers.

Dwain Chambers, captain of the British athletes who won the European Cup in the last event.

July

I'd rather buy a Bob the Builder CD for my two-year-old son.

Jason McAteer, asked if he was going to buy Roy Keane's autobiography.

It would be wrong for me to sit at ringside watching a guy with brain damage that could kill him.

Dr Ray Monsell, who resigned from the British Boxing Board of Control following the decision to re-license Wayne McCullough.

I try to support them both equally, but often my sympathy is with Ralph because Michael has won so many times.

Elisabeth Schumacher on her sons.

My mum hits harder... I'm off down the pub now. Maybe I'll get a couple of fights down there.

Dominic Negus, Audley Harrison's latest victim.

August

I could have been a god, but people only allow you to get so far in this country.

Linford Christie.

It's a billion-pound business – but, if I had a kebab shop, I wouldn't let them run it.

Theo Paphitis, Millwall chairman, after the Football League lost its case against ITV Digital.

It's because it's all bloody Beckham, all that baloney and the '66 World Cup. You have a one-hero, one-sport culture.

Stephen Hill, Australian coach of the English swimmer Rebecca Cooke.

Reluctantly, I am giving the asylum back to the lunatics.

Keith Harris on leaving the Football League.

Sven told me that it is pointless having national team games in April or May because Ferguson, one way or another, makes sure his stars aren't fit.

Ulla Eriksson, Sven's mother, on Sir Alex Ferguson.

It happens to a lot of people and a lot of people get over it.

Barry Sheene announces that he has cancer of the throat and stomach.

September

A goalkeeper should never be beaten from that distance.

David Seaman, on Ronaldinho's 47-yard World Cup goal, shortly before conceding a 43-yarder from Chelsea's Gianfranco Zola.

As Bury weren't involved, I declined.

Gordon Sorfleet, Bury fan and Uefa's European Fan of the Year, on his invitation to the Champions' League draw.

I don't care about having to take a pay cut. I've made so much money and got so much stashed away it wouldn't make any difference if I got paid $2m or $5m more or less.

Formula One's Eddie Irvine.

If Pete had worked as hard as [Andre] Agassi he would have won 24 Grand Slam titles, not 13.

Peter Fisher, Sampras's first coach.

£17,000 a week? I would have spent it in a single night out. I'm at the end of my career. I have to play for as much money as I can, not for peanuts.

Faustino Asprilla after walking out on Darlington.

Growing up, I had a few heroes, none more so than Stan Collymore.

Jermaine Jenas, of Newcastle United.

I never try to make a right decision. I make a decision and then try to make it right.

Martin O'Neill, Celtic manager.

Part of me hopes the game goes belly up.

Stephen Hendry on snooker's administration.

I like Lee Bowyer, he goes round whacking people.

Terry Butcher, radio pundit.

October

Now there's something you didn't expect to see – Ulrika kissing a Nancy.

Graham Norton, gay comedian, receiving an award from Ulrika Jonsson.

When we come to power we are going to get rid of the offside rule.

Besim Tibuk, of Turkey's Liberal Democratic Party.

British sport is like a convoluted bowl of spaghetti.

David Moffett, resigning as head of Sport England.

They had a Tiger but I had 12 Lions.

Sam Torrance, victorious Ryder Cup captain.

We got a European butt-whipping.

Curtis Strange, losing Ryder Cup captain.

Will Arsenal have to field nine men when they play Chelsea – or Pete Sampras have two strings cut from his racket when he meets Tim Henman?

Patrick Head of Williams, on F1 'handicapping' proposals.

Audley has got to stop fighting dead bodies.

Henry Cooper.

Some girls will do anything for attention.

Ulrika Jonsson, after a streak at the National Television Awards.

November

You really have to ask yourself, would you get up at six in the morning and switch on the television knowing that Schumacher is on pole?

Max Mosley, head of Formula One's governing body.

When I finish running I'm going to be a dangerous woman.

Cathy Freeman, considering a political career after retirement.

He is a wonderful father and now all he wants is to bring his son to Exeter.

Uri Geller, Exeter chairman, before Michael Jackson's visit to St James' Park.

When I get screwed I like a kiss too.

Martin Bennink, Dutch footballer banned for eight weeks for kissing a referee on the mouth after being sent off.

I'm in one piece now, and that's the way I intend to stay.

Adrian Maguire, jockey, announces his retirement.

A football team is like a beautiful woman. When you do not tell her so, she forgets she is beautiful.

Arsène 'Swiss Tony' Wenger, Arsenal manager.

Australia haven't seen the best of English cricket in a long while and it's up to us to put that right.

Nasser Hussain, England cricket captain. However...

I anticipate them wanting to beat us 5-0, them being completely cut-throat. They will show us no mercy at all.

Hussain again.

When teams are up against us they know they are up against 11 players. Not seven, eight, nine or 10 players but 11.

Steve Waugh, Australia Test captain.

I want to be a free man, I don't want three or four people above me to report to for every decision.

Sven Goran Eriksson on the prospect of greater influence for Premiership chairmen, after Adam Crozier's departure was announced.

Maybe I could come back in a veterans' race.

Dermot Browne, former jockey and trainer, on his 20-year ban from racing.

It won't happen.

Alex Ferguson on the idea that he will retire without having won any further honours.

December

Having seen Manchester United now this season, I would not say that they will be our main rivals for the title this year.

Arsène Wenger, after defeat at Old Trafford.

Would it happen in any other form of professional sport? Would someone half-fit be playing? Would this Australian side play someone half-fit?

Nasser Hussain, shortly before the injured Andrew Flintoff was sent home for treatment.

Sometimes it is good to bury your ego in Siberia and put your personal ambitions aside for the well-being of the whole team.

Yevgeny Kafelnikov, after giving up his berth to play the last rubber of the Davis Cup final.

He's one of the first players I have seen sent off without any tackling at all.

Wenger on Sol Campbell's red card against Southampton.

If I haven't found a club by Christmas I'll have to get a job on the bins.

Richard Edghill, once of Man-chester City, on the problems facing many footballers in the wake of the ITV Digital collapse.